Radio Inspire

How To Learn Sign Language

The Power of Positive Communication


ANNOUNCER: COMING UP ON “MARRIAGE TODAY WITH JIMMY & KAREN”… JIMMY: SO IF YOU’RE GONNA HAVE SUCCESSFUL COMMUNICATION, REMEMBER, YOUR SPOUSE ISN’T LIKE YOU. THEY DON’T NEED WHAT YOU NEED, AND THEY DON’T HEAR LIKE YOU HEAR. IF YOU’RE A MAN SPEAKING TO A WOMAN, TALK SECURITY AND YOU WILL SUCCEED IN COMMUNICATING WITH THAT SISTER. AND IF YOU’RE TALKING TO A MAN, SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF RESPECT. YOU CAN SAY ANYTHING. YOU’RE AN EQUAL. KAREN, WHEN WE GOT MARRIED, YOU KNOW, I DIDN’T LIKE TO TALK. I MEAN, I LIKED TO TALK A LITTLE, BUT SHE JUST WANTED TO TALK ALL THE TIME, AND SHE WANTED–SHE WANTED TO TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING. AND WHEN I CAME HOME FROM WORK AND STUFF, SHE–I THOUGHT SHE WAS NOSY, YOU KNOW. AND I JUST THOUGHT, “I DON’T WANT TO FEED THAT MONSTER.” AND SHE WOULD–SHE WOULD–“WHERE’D YOU GO? WHO’D YOU SEE? WHAT’D THEY SAY? HOW’D YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT?” [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] I WAS LIKE, “THIS IS A BOUNDARY VIOLATION.” AND YOU NEED GENERAL INFORMATION ABOUT WHERE I’VE BEEN AND WHAT I’VE DONE, BUT MY FEELINGS ARE MY FEELINGS. AND–BUT SHE–THAT WASN’T GOOD WITH HER. BUT WHAT ONE OF THE THINGS THAT HEALED OUR MARRIAGE IS WHEN I STARTED TALKING TO KAREN, AND UNDERSTAND, THIS IS WHAT CONNECTS HER TO ME. THIS IS WHAT CONNECTS HER TO MY WORLD, AND WHAT SHE NEEDS IS PATIENT, LOVING COMMUNICATION. SO, HERE’S MY LITTLE SPEECH, AND YOU MAY HAVE HEARD MY LITTLE SPEECH BEFORE. HERE’S MY LITTLE SPEECH. OK. SO, WOMEN TYPICALLY DON’T NEED SEX AS MUCH AS MEN. BUT WHAT I SAY TO WOMEN IS, BE MORE SEXUAL THAN YOU FEEL. YOUR HUSBAND HAS THE NEED FOR SEX. YOU HAVE THE GIFT OF SEX, AND GOD GAVE YOU THAT GIFT SO THAT IT WOULD DRAW YOUR HUSBAND BACK TO YOU CONSTANTLY. DON’T DESPISE THAT. IT’S A PRECIOUS THING THAT KEEPS YOUR HUSBAND COMING BACK TO YOU, AND IT’S IMPORTANT TO MEET THAT NEED. BE MORE SEXUAL THAN YOU FEEL. THAT’S MY LITTLE SPEECH TO WOMEN. HERE’S MY LITTLE SPEECH TO MEN. OK. I JUST GOT THROUGH SAYING SOMETHING REALLY WONDERFUL TO YOUR WIVES. THAT WAS A BIGGIE. YOU’RE WELCOME. [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] YOU’RE WELCOME. OK. HERE’S MY LITTLE SPEECH TO YOU. WHO CARES IF YOU DON’T WANT TO TALK? YOU TALK. I JUST TOLD YOUR WIFE TO BE MORE SEXUAL THAN SHE FEELS. I’M TELLING YOU, YOU TALK MORE THAN YOU FEEL. WHEN YOU COME HOME, AND WHEN SHE WANTS TO TALK, YOU TALK, AND DON’T GIVE HER HEADLINES. YOU OPEN UP. YOU DO IT WITH YOUR FRIENDS. YOU DO IT WITH HER. AND SHE SAYS, “WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY?” YOU DON’T SAY, “NOTHIN’. FILLED UP MY TRUCK. WENT TO WORK.” SAY, “HONEY, I WOKE UP THIS MORNING AT 6:37. [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] I DIDN’T ACTUALLY OPEN MY EYES, BUT I CAME INTO CONSCIOUSNESS. [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] I WAS FEELING A LITTLE INSECURE ABOUT MY MEETING WITH BOB.” [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] AND–AND JUST–THAT’S WHAT SHE WANTS TO HEAR. SHE WANTS TO HEAR–AND SHE NEEDS, EVERY NOW AND THEN–GET A NAIL. JUST STAND HERE LIKE THIS. POKE YOURSELF AND CRY. IT’S BIG POINTS. [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] BIG POINTS. “AND I DROVE DOWN THE STREET AND A DOG HAD BEEN RUN OVER.” [FAKES CRYING] AND SHE GOES, “OH, YEAH, REALLY? OH, REALLY? I LOVE THAT YOU CRIED!” SO, GIVE IT UP. GIVE IT UP. RIGHT THERE. AND SO, THAT’S IT. [APPLAUSE] SO, IT’S NOT YOUR NEED. THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING. I’M NOT SAYING YOU DON’T NEED TO TALK AT ALL, BUT IT’S NOT YOUR NEED. BUT IT’S YOUR WIFE’S NEED. SO, WOMEN ARE–WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT IN THIS AREA, AND MEN NEED TO RESPECT THEIR WIVES’ NEED FOR OPEN, PATIENT, HONEST, EMOTIONAL COMMUNICATION. AND IT’S–IT’S WONDERFUL. I JUST TELL YOU, I’VE DONE IT FOR YEARS WITH KAREN. I JUST–I LIKE IT AS MUCH AS SHE DOES NOW. I–I DON’T KNOW IF I’M KINDA GETTING GIRLY OR NOT, BUT I’M JUST TELLING YOU. I– [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] BUT HERE’S ANOTHER DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN AND COMMUNICATION. MEN ARE EMOTIONALLY MODEST. WOMEN ARE EMOTIONALLY IMMODEST. NOW, THIS IS A BIG–MEN ARE PHYSICALLY IMMODEST AND WOMEN ARE VERY PHYSICALLY MODEST, AND SO, WHEN WOMEN HAVE SEX, THEY ARE VERY MODEST, AND SO, THEY WANT, YOU KNOW, DOORS SHUT, LIGHTS OFF, YOU KNOW, CHILDREN ANESTHETIZED. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? IT’S–I MEAN, IT’S A CAREFUL ENVIRONMENT, YOU KNOW, BECAUSE THEY’RE VERY PHYSICALLY MODEST. MEN? EH, THEY’LL DO IT JUST ABOUT ANYWHERE. SO, YOU KNOW, BUT IT’S A DIFFERENCE. BUT MEN ARE EMOTIONALLY MODEST. NOW, WE DON’T TALK LIKE YOU–YOU TALK. IF YOU’RE EVER IN A RESTAURANT AND YOU HAVE A TABLE OF WOMEN OVER HERE AND A TABLE OF MEN OVER HERE, LISTEN TO THE WAY THEY TALK. AND YOU LISTEN TO THE WOMEN TALKING, AND THEY’RE SAYING, “WELL, DID YOU KNOW THAT BARBARA IS GOING THROUGH A REAL DIFFICULT TIME WITH SAM?” “REALLY?” “OH, YES, SHE CALLED ME THE OTHER DAY AND SAID SHE’S JUST DEVASTATED, AND SAID THIS AND THIS AND THIS AND THIS.” AND THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS AND THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT FEELINGS. THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT REAL STUFF. THAT’S THIS TABLE. THE TABLE OF MEN OVER HERE SAYS, “BOB, DID YOU GET YOUR MUFFLER FIXED?” [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] “YEAH, I DID. AND, UH, YEAH, I’M GONNA GO TO THE COWBOY GAME THE OTHER NIGHT.” “REALLY? DID YOU GO HUNTING LAST–WHAT’D YOU KILL LAST WEEKEND?” “WELL, I KILLED A 7-POINT BUCK.” YOU KNOW, AND–AND THAT’S THE WAY MEN–WE–“HOW’D YOU FEEL WHEN YOU KILLED THAT DEER, BOB?” [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] “I FELT REAL GOOD.” [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] “I FELT HUNGRY.” [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] WE–WE’RE NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT OUR EMOTIONS. WE DON’T DO THAT. WE’RE EMOTIONALLY MODEST. SO, WOMEN, WHEN THEY HAVE SEX, BECAUSE THEY’RE PHYSICALLY MODEST–VERY, VERY PRIVATE, DON’T TELL ANYBODY. DON’T TALK ABOUT IT. THIS IS BETWEEN US. DARK ROOM, LOCKED DOOR, EVERYTHING’S VERY CAREFUL. THAT’S THE WAY WE TALK. THAT’S THE WAY MEN TALK. SEE, WOMEN ARE EMOTIONALLY IMMODEST. THEY’LL JUST SAY ANYTHING TO ANYBODY. I MEAN, THEY’RE–THEY’RE–THEY’RE JUST UNGUARDED. THAT’S JUST THE WAY GOD MADE YOU. WE’RE NOT THAT WAY. IF YOU WANT A MAN TO TALK, IF YOU EVER TELL SOMEBODY WHAT WE SAID, WE’LL NEVER TELL YOU ANYTHING AGAIN. WE DON’T LIKE THAT. AND SO YOU GET US IN A ROOM, YOU LOCK THAT DOOR, ANESTHETIZE THOSE CHILDREN, YOU–AND WE’RE GONNA SIT DOWN AND TALK IN A VERY CAREFUL ENVIRONMENT. AND WHEN WE OPEN OUR HEART, YOU BE CAREFUL HOW YOU RESPOND, ‘CAUSE WE’RE VERY TENDER ON THE INSIDE. WE REALLY ARE. MEN DON’T OPEN THEIR–IF YOU’RE SARCASTIC, IF YOU’RE JUDGMENTAL, IF YOU’RE MEAN-SPIRITED, ANYTHING LIKE THAT, A MAN WILL SHUT DOWN ON YOU, ‘CAUSE THIS IS THE HOLY OF HOLIES. WE’RE–WOMEN ARE TOUGH. WE–WOMEN CAN ARGUE WITH EACH OTHER. THEY’RE–WHEN A MAN’S HEART RATE GOES ABOVE 100, HE CAN’T HEAR. [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] WE–WE DON’T–WE JUST CAN’T DO IT. WE JUST ZONE OUT. IT’S LIKE, WOMEN ARE SO TOUGH EMOTIONALLY. WOMEN CAN JUST TALK ABOUT THEIR EMOTIONS AND JUST ARGUE WITH EACH OTHER LIKE THAT. AND MEN ARE JUST LIKE GRABBING GUNS AND WE’RE JUST LIKE, “DON’T YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT.” [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] WOMEN ARE–WOMEN ARE TOUGHER THAN MEN EMOTIONALLY. IT’S JUST THE TRUTH. THE WAY YOU TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND IS KEEP HIM CALM. IS YOU HONOR HIM, YOU RESPECT HIM, AND YOU LET HIM KNOW, EVERY WORD YOU’RE SAYING TO ME IS SACRED, AND I WILL NOT SHARE IT, AND I WILL NOT TAKE OPPORTUNITY WITH IT, AND I WON’T USE IT AGAINST YOU LATER. WE’RE DIFFERENT THAN YOU ARE. LADIES ARE–I MEAN, I HAVE THE GREATEST RESPECT FOR WOMEN AND THE WAY GOD MADE YOU, BUT YOU GOTTA UNDERSTAND, WE’RE JUST NOT THAT WAY. AND EVEN TO THIS DAY, SOMETIMES, WITH KAREN, YOU KNOW, WE’LL BE TALKING OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT–IT’S JUST HARD FOR WOMEN TO UNDERSTAND THE WAY WE’RE WIRED. AND SO, I WILL OPEN UP, BUT I WILL NOT OPEN UP IN THE SAME ENVIRONMENT THAT KAREN IS WILLING TO BE OPENED UP IN, BECAUSE I’M EMOTIONALLY MODEST. BUT IT DOESN’T MEAN I WON’T TALK. IT JUST MEANS IT’S A DIFFERENT ENVIRONMENT. WOMAN: LIFE IS A JOURNEY ONCE FULL OF HOPE, TO MAKE THIS WORLD A BETTER PLACE, TO LEAVE A LEGACY TO THE ONES WE LOVE. BUT SOMEWHERE ALONG THAT JOURNEY, WE’VE LOST OUR WAY, FORGOTTEN WHAT’S IMPORTANT. JIMMY: WHEN MARRIAGE IS NO LONGER RESPECTED, COUPLES BEGIN TO SEPARATE, AND THEIR CHILDREN BEGIN TO SUFFER. MARRIAGE IS THE FUTURE. WE MUST BUILD MARRIAGE. AND WHAT WE LOVE TO DO HERE AT “MARRIAGE TODAY” IS GIVE PEOPLE HOPE. BECAUSE MARRIAGE WORKS. MARRIAGE WORKS WONDERFULLY. GOD WOULD NEVER CREATE ANYTHING FOR FAILURE. MAN: THE WORLD WAS TELLING US TO GIVE UP. PEOPLE AROUND US WAS TELLING US TO GIVE UP. BUT “MARRIAGE TODAY” WAS A LIGHT IN A DARK PLACE FOR US AT A DARK TIME. WOMAN: HEARING JIMMY AND KAREN EVANS JUST TALKING ABOUT HOW GOD COULD RESTORE ANY MARRIAGE, IT STARTED TO BRING HOPE BACK INTO ME. MAN: THEY CHANGED OUR LIFE. THEY CHANGED OUR FUTURE. JIMMY: WE LOVE HELPING PEOPLE IN MARRIAGE, BUT WE HAVE TO HAVE SUPPORT TO DO THAT. IN EVERYTHING THAT WE DO, WE KNOW THAT WE’RE TOUCHING MILLIONS OF LIVES EVERY YEAR AND MILLIONS OF FAMILIES. WOULD YOU STAND WITH US AS WE BUILD MARRIAGES IN AMERICA AND AROUND THE WORLD? THE FAMILIES THAT WE HELP AND THE CHILDREN THAT WE KEEP TOGETHER WITH THEIR PARENTS ARE BECAUSE OF YOU. PLEASE CONSIDER GIVING YOUR MOST GENEROUS GIFT TO HELP US HERE AT “MARRIAGE TODAY” LIFT THE STANDARD AROUND THE WORLD FOR MARRIAGE AND FAMILY. HERE’S ANOTHER DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN. WE HEAR THROUGH OUR DEEPEST NEEDS. NOW, THIS IS A HUGE, HUGE ISSUE. LISTEN TO WHAT I’M SAYING. A MAN’S DEEPEST NEED IS THE NEED FOR HONOR. THIS IS OUR MEGA NEED. THE NEED FOR RESPECT. THIS IS THE NEED ABOVE ALL NEEDS WITH MEN. EVEN ABOVE SEX. IS WE WANT TO BE RESPECTED. AND IT’S NOT EGOTISTICAL, IT’S THE WAY GOD MADE US. WE WANT TO KNOW THAT WE’RE A GOOD MAN. WE WANT TO KNOW THAT YOU RESPECT US. THAT’S A BIG, BIG DEAL FOR US. WOMEN’S NUMBER ONE MEGA NEED IS SECURITY. THEY WANT TO KNOW THAT THEIR HUSBAND IS TUNED INTO THEM AND SACRIFICIALLY HE WILL MEET THEIR NEEDS. SACRIFICIALLY. TO HIS OWN HURT. WHEN A WOMAN KNOWS THAT HER HUSBAND’S TUNED IN AND TO HIS OWN HURT HE WILL PUT HER FIRST AND MEET HER NEEDS AND THE NEEDS OF THE FAMILY, SHE’S IN HEAVEN, OK? SO, WHEN WE COMMUNICATE WITH EACH OTHER, WE HAVE TO ENCRYPT OUR LANGUAGE WITH THEIR NEED. AN EXAMPLE IS THIS: WHEN A–WHEN A MAN–I DIDN’T REALIZE THIS ABOUT KAREN, BUT, SEE, SHE CAN DECODE MY LANGUAGE, VERY QUICKLY. OK? SHE KNOWS IF I’M SPEAKING SECURITY OR NOT. IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT WE’RE TALKING ABOUT. IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT THE CONVERSATION IS. HERE’S WHAT SHE WANTS TO HEAR ME SAY ENCRYPTED IN THIS. I CARE. AND I’M TUNED IN AND I’LL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES. MY HEART IS TURNED TOWARD YOU AND OUR FAMILY. I’LL SAY “NO” TO ANYTHING ELSE. AND I CARE ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL. WHEN I’M TALKING WITH THAT TONE IN MY VOICE, KAREN’S VERY CALM AND VERY REASONABLE. BUT WHEN SHE HEARS A TONE IN ME THAT SAYS I’M DISCONNECTED, SOMETHING ELSE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU, I’M CHECKED OUT, SHE’S ON HIGH ALERT. AND I CAN’T CALM HER DOWN. AND I CAN SIT THERE AND SAY, “WHAT ARE YOU SO UPSET ABOUT?” LIKE THAT. SHE SAYS, “I–BECAUSE” THIS AND THAT. “I DON’T UNDERSTAND.” MY HEART’S NOT THERE. I’VE GOT–EVERYTHING I SAY TO HER, IF IT’S GONNA BE SUCCESSFUL, IT’S GOT TO COMMUNICATE SECURITY. I’M TUNED IN. IT’S OK. BUT I’M DIFFERENT. WHEN SHE TALKS TO ME, AND I’VE SAID THIS TO KAREN, ESPECIALLY EARLY IN OUR MARRIAGE, I SAID, “WHAT–THE WAY YOU SAY IT’S MORE IMPORTANT TO ME THAN WHAT YOU’RE SAYING. SO WHATEVER YOU’RE GONNA SAY TO ME, THE WAY–IF YOU WANT ME TO HEAR IT, YOU NEED TO SAY IT IN THE RIGHT WAY.” HERE’S WHAT A MAN NEEDS TO HEAR. I BELIEVE IN YOU. YOU’RE A GOOD MAN. I LOVE YOU. YOU’RE THE BEST. I RESPECT YOU. AND YOU CAN TALK ABOUT THE KIDS, YOU CAN TALK ABOUT WORK, YOU CAN TALK ABOUT SPIRITUALITY, YOU CAN TALK ABOUT YOUR NEEDS, YOU CAN TALK ABOUT YOUR HURTS OR FEARS, OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT, BUT YOU COME WITH YOUR GUNS LOADED AND YOU MAKE US FEEL NOW AS THOUGH YOU DON’T RESPECT US, AND YOU DON’T BELIEVE IN US, WE CAN’T HEAR. IT’S–IT’S A JAMMING FREQUENCY. WHEN MEN ARE SPEAKING INSECURITY, IT’S A JAMMING FREQUENCY, AND WOMEN JUST CAN’T HEAR BECAUSE THEIR ALARM IS GOING OFF. WHEN A WOMAN COMES AT A MAN AND MAKES HIM FEEL LIKE, “YOU’RE A BAD MAN. YOU’RE NOT A GOOD MAN. I DON’T BELIEVE IN YOU,” IT’S A JAMMING FREQUENCY. IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU’RE SAYING, AND IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY 100% RIGHT, YOU’VE MADE IT MUCH HARDER FOR ME TO LISTEN BECAUSE OF THE WAY YOU’RE TALKING TO ME. SO, IF YOU’RE GONNA HAVE SUCCESSFUL COMMUNICATION, REMEMBER, YOUR SPOUSE ISN’T LIKE YOU. THEY DON’T NEED WHAT YOU NEED, AND THEY DON’T HEAR LIKE YOU HEAR. IF YOU’RE A MAN SPEAKING TO A WOMAN, TALK SECURITY AND YOU WILL SUCCEED IN COMMUNICATING WITH THAT SISTER. IF YOU’RE TALKING TO A MAN, SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF RESPECT. YOU CAN SAY ANYTHING, YOU’RE AN EQUAL. BUT SAY IT WITH RESPECT IN THE TONE OF YOUR VOICE AND YOU’LL SUCCEED IN TALKING TO THAT MAN. AND LET ME SAY THIS: SAME IS TRUE OF LITTLE GIRLS, LITTLE BOYS. LITTLE–IF YOU’RE GONNA TALK TO A DAUGHTER OR A GRANDDAUGHTER AND SUCCESSFULLY COMMUNICATE WITH HER, SHE NEEDS TO HEAR THE LANGUAGE OF SECURITY. IF YOU’VE GOT A LITTLE BOY OR A YOUNG MAN THAT YOU’RE TRYING TO INFLUENCE, YOU HAVE TO SPEAK HONOR TO HIM, ‘CAUSE HE’S JUST A LITTLE MAN, AND SHE’S JUST A LITTLE WOMAN. ANY ONE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT YOU’RE COMMUNICATING WITH, YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND, THEY’RE DIFFERENT AND THEY HAVE TO BE TALKED TO IN THAT WAY. LET ME FINISH THIS MESSAGE, JUST LET ME TELL YOU THE 5 STANDARDS OF SUCCESSFUL COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE. THOSE ARE THE COMMON PROBLEMS THAT PEOPLE DON’T UNDERSTAND. THESE ARE JUST STANDARDS THAT YOU HAVE TO USE IN SUCCESSFUL COMMUNICATION. THE FIRST IS CARING. CARING. THE FIRST STANDARD IS “I CARE.” NOW, HERE–HERE’S A VERY SIMPLE PRINCIPLE. YOU CAN’T COMMUNICATE WITH A PERSON WHO DOESN’T CARE. IT’S JUST IMPOSSIBLE. AND IF SOMEONE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT YOU, YOU DON’T HAVE A CHANCE IN THE WORLD OF EFFECTIVELY COMMUNICATING WITH THAT, AND SO, YOU–YOU KNOW WHEN SOMEONE CARES, AND HERE’S HOW YOU COMMUNICATE CARE. IT’S BODY LANGUAGE. YOUR BODY LANGUAGE TELLS YOUR SPOUSE, IT TELLS OTHERS IF YOU CARE OR NOT. YOUR COUNTENANCE. THE WAY–THE WAY YOU LOOK AT THEM WHEN THEY’RE COMMUNICATING. IF YOU’RE ROLLING YOUR EYES, IF YOU’RE TURNING YOUR HEAD AWAY, THAT’S NOT GOOD. BUT IF YOU’RE LOOKING AT THEM AND–AND YOU’RE MAKE A GOOD RESPONSE AND YOU’RE LISTENING TO WHAT THEY’RE SAYING, YOU’RE FEEDING BACK, SAYING, “YEAH, I UNDERSTAND. YEAH, I HEAR THAT.” AND LIKE THAT. THAT TELLS A PERSON THAT YOU CARE. THAT’S NUMBER 1. YOU HAVE TO CARE, AND YOU HAVE TO COMMUNICATE CARE TO COMMUNICATE. NUMBER 2 IS PRAISE. THE BIBLE SAYS WE ENTER HIS COURTS WITH THANKSGIVING AND WE ENTER INTO HIS COURTS WITH PRAISE.” GOD WILL NEVER LET A NEGATIVE PERSON INTO HIS PRESENCE. HE WON’T. WE ENTER INTO GOD’S PRESENCE WITH PRAISE, BUT REMEMBER, WE’RE MADE IN THE IMAGE OF GOD. THIS IS THE HOLY OF HOLIES. YOU CAN TALK TO ME IN A DISRESPECTFUL TONE, BUT YOU’RE NOT GETTING IN HERE, AND YOU’LL NEVER INFLUENCE ME TILL YOU GET IN HERE. AND THE SAME IS TRUE OF MEN AND WOMEN. THIS IS UNIVERSAL. IF I’M GOING TO EVER BE SUCCESSFUL IN COMMUNICATING WITH KAREN, I HAVE TO BEGIN WITH A POSITIVE TONE, AND I HAVE TO PRAISE HER. NEGATIVITY DESTROYS MARRIAGES. YOU CAN SAY NEGATIVE THINGS, BUT YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL HOW YOU SAY THEM, AND YOU EARN YOUR RIGHT TO SAY THOSE BY SAYING A LOT OF POSITIVE THINGS. BUT PRAISE MEANS THIS: WHEN YOU COME TO ME AND YOU PRAISE ME, AND YOU FOCUS ON MY STRENGTHS AND DON’T BECOME CRITICAL AND FOCUS ON MY WEAKNESS, I’LL OPEN MY COURTS TO YOU, AND THAT MEANS MY HEART OF HEARTS. YOU ENTER INTO MY GATES WITH THANKSGIVING, AND YOU ENTER INTO MY COURTS WITH PRAISE, ‘CAUSE I’M MADE IN THE IMAGE OF GOD. AND WHEN YOU BECOME CRITICAL OR NEGATIVE, MAN OR WOMAN, YOU’RE NOT GONNA GET INTO MY HEART, AND WE’RE NOT GONNA BE INTIMATE. WE’RE NOT GONNA HAVE A GOOD MARRIAGE. WE’RE NOT GONNA SUCCESSFULLY COMMUNICATE TILL WE’RE COMMUNICATING ON A HEART LEVEL. YOU CAN TALK TO MY EAR ANY WAY YOU WANT TO. THAT’S CALLED NOISE. BUT IF YOU’RE GONNA COMMUNICATE WITH MY HEART, IT IS THE HOLY OF HOLIES, AND I’M NOT OPENING THE GATES TO YOU UNTIL YOU PRAISE ME. AND PRAISE IS A DISCIPLINE THAT KEEPS US FOCUSED ON WHAT IS RIGHT. PRAISE GETS YOU TO REMEMBER WHY YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH THAT INDIVIDUAL, AND WHEN PRAISE LEAVES, CRITICISM ALWAYS COMES, ‘CAUSE THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS A VOID. YOU DON’T HAVE A MARRIAGE WHERE THERE’S NO PRAISE AND NO CRITICISM. WHEN THE POSITIVE GOES, THE NEGATIVE COMES IN. SO, WE KEEP THE NEGATIVE AWAY BY POSITIVE. FOCUS ON POSITIVE THINGS. AND WHEN YOU–BY THE WAY, WHEN PEOPLE ARGUE, AND THIS IS PROVED IN RESEARCH–A CONVERSATION NEVER RISES ABOVE THE LEVEL OF THE FIRST 3 MINUTES. NEVER. WHEN YOU START A CONVERSATION NEGATIVELY, BY ACCUSING, BY CRITICIZING, BY COMING AT YOUR SPOUSE AGGRESSIVELY, YOU HAVE DOOMED THE COMMUNICATION AND YOU NEED TO STOP IT AND WALK AWAY AND COME BACK IN AN HOUR OR TWO AND APOLOGIZE AND START AGAIN. BECAUSE YOU DON’T START A CONVERSATION BY ACCUSING AND BEING NEGATIVE, YOU START A CONVERSATION BY SAYING “I LOVE YOU, AND WE’RE ON THE SAME TEAM, AND I’M COMMITTED TO OUR RELATIONSHIP, AND I’M GLAD I MARRIED YOU.” WE NEED TO BE POSITIVE. NUMBER 3 STANDARD IS TRUTH. WE NEED TO SPEAK THE TRUTH TO EACH OTHER. NOW, WE NEED TO BE CAREFUL HOW WE DO IT. THE BIBLE SAYS IN PROVERBS 3:3, “BIND MERCY AND TRUTH TO YOUR NECK AND WRITE THEM ON THE TABLET OF YOUR HEART.” AND THEN, EPHESIANS 4 SAYS, “SPEAKING THE TRUTH IN LOVE, WE GROW UP INTO ALL ASPECTS INTO HIM.” MERCY WITHOUT TRUTH IS A CHEERLEADER WITHOUT A TEAM. TRUTH WITHOUT MERCY IS SURGERY WITHOUT ANESTHESIA. TRUTH WITHOUT MERCY IS MEAN, AND MERCY WITHOUT TRUTH IS MEANINGLESS. WE NEED BOTH OF ‘EM. WE NEED TO BE KIND IN WHAT WE SAY, BUT WE NEED TO SPEAK THE TRUTH. WE NEED TO GIVE EACH OTHER THE RIGHT TO SPEAK THE TRUTH. WE NEED TO HAVE AN ATMOSPHERE OF TRUTH. ALL DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIES EITHER HAVE NO COMMUNICATION, THEY’RE SILENT, OR THEY JUST DON’T TALK ABOUT THE TRUTH. THERE’S AN ELEPHANT, WHITE ELEPHANT, STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM AND NOBODY WILL TALK ABOUT IT. THAT’S WHAT–THAT’S WHAT A DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY IS. A FUNCTIONAL FAMILY SAYS, “WE’RE GONNA TALK ABOUT THE TRUTH. WE’RE GONNA TALK ABOUT OUR FEELINGS. WE’RE GONNA TALK ABOUT REAL ISSUES IN OUR RELATIONSHIP, BUT WE’RE GONNA DO IT IN A LOVING WAY.” AND SO, GIVE YOUR SPOUSE THE RIGHT TO TELL THE TRUTH, AND YOU TELL THE TRUTH. AND BE CAREFUL HOW YOU DO IT, BUT HAVE A TRUTHFUL RELATIONSHIP. THAT’S WHERE INTIMACY COMES FROM. NUMBER 4 IS FAITH. THIS IS A STANDARD IN COMMUNICATION. YOU HAVE TO HAVE FAITH. WITHOUT FAITH, YOU BECOME MEAN. IN FACT, 1 PETER 3 TALKS ABOUT WOMEN BEING ABLE TO CHANGE THEIR HUSBANDS WITHOUT A WORD AS HE OBSERVES YOUR CHASTE AND RESPECTFUL BEHAVIOR, AND IT TALKS ABOUT THEY’RE THE GENTLE AND QUIET SPIRIT. A GENTLE AND QUIET SPIRIT IS NOT A MOUSY SPIRIT. A GENTLE AND QUIET SPIRIT IS A WOMAN WHO HAS FAITH THAT WHEN SHE SPEAKS, THAT GOD’S ON HER SIDE. I DON’T HAVE TO BE THE ENFORCER. I’VE GOT GOD ON MY SIDE. I USED TO BULLY KAREN VERBALLY. AFTER I REPENTED, I WOULD SAY SOMETHING TO KAREN, AND I WOULD BECOME FORCEFUL WITH HER. ONE TIME, KAREN SAID TO ME, “JIMMY, I WISH–I WISH THAT I COULD JUST TAKE A RECORDING OF WHAT YOU SAY AND PLAY IT BACK TO YOU AND YOU WOULD REALIZE THE WAY YOU TALK TO ME.” AND THIS IS WHAT I SAID, “I DON’T TALK TO YOU BAD. I DON’T AGREE WITH THAT.” THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE OLD JIMMY AND THE NEW JIMMY IS THE NEW JIMMY HAD FAITH THAT IF WHAT I WAS SAYING WAS RIGHT THAT GOD WOULD BE THE ENFORCER. YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO SAY ANYTHING YOU WANT TO SAY. ARE YOU THE ENFORCER OR IS GOD THE ENFORCER? BECAUSE IF YOU HAVE FAITH THAT GOD’S THE ENFORCER, YOU’RE GONNA SAY IT AND WALK AWAY AND PRAY AND BE AT PEACE. YOU’RE GONNA HAVE A GENTLE AND QUIET SPIRIT, WHETHER YOU’RE A MAN OR A WOMAN. BUT IF YOU’RE THE ENFORCER, YOU’RE GONNA NAG, YOU’RE GONNA BROWBEAT, YOU’RE GONNA PUNISH, YOU’RE GONNA BULLY, AND YOU’RE GONNA DIVIDE THE RELATIONSHIP. FAITH. I HAVE FAITH THAT IF I SPEAK THE TRUTH THAT THE POWER OF GOD IS GOING TO TAKE IT AND CHANGE YOUR LIFE. GOD’S BIG ENOUGH TO CHANGE YOU, AND IF I’M WRONG, HE’S BIG ENOUGH TO CHANGE ME. THAT’S THE FOURTH STANDARD. AND THE LAST STANDARD IS SURRENDER. I SURRENDER MY MOUTH TO GOD. THIS MOUTH BELONGS TO GOD, AND IT WILL BE USED BY GOD. WELL, I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THAT TEACHING, I HOPE IT HELPS YOU. IT’S FROM MY “MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK” SEMINAR. IT’S THE MOST IMPORTANT SEMINAR THAT I DO; IT’S THE BIGGEST SEMINAR THAT I DO. IT’S ACTUALLY THE FIRST SEMINAR I EVER DID ON MARRIAGE. BUT WE JUST KEEP UPDATING IT. AND SO RIGHT NOW, WE WANT TO GET THESE RESOURCES INTO YOUR HANDS. NOW, YOU JUST HEARD A SMALL PART OF THE FULL 10-PART SEMINAR SERIES. RIGHT NOW, FOR YOUR GIFT OF ANY AMOUNT, WE WANT TO GET YOU “THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE IN MARRIAGE” SINGLE CD. AND SO– AND IT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE IN MARRIAGE. AND IT WILL BLESS YOU. ANY AMOUNT THAT YOU GIVE, WE’LL PUT THAT IN THE MAIL TO YOU. RIGHT NOW FOR YOUR GIFT OF $50 OR MORE, WE’LL SEND YOU THE FULL SEMINAR ON CD, PLUS MY “MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK” BOOK. NOW, THOUSANDS OF CHURCHES USES THESE IN THEIR CHURCHES, IN THEIR LIFE GROUPS, AND THOUSANDS OF BIBLE STUDIES ALL OVER THE WORLD TAKE PLACE WITH “MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK.” IT TALKS ABOUT SEX, MONEY, CHILDREN, IN-LAWS, BLENDED FAMILIES, COMMUNICATION, ROLES IN MARRIAGE, HOW TO UNDERSTAND AND MEET YOUR SPOUSE’S NEEDS, UH, THE FOUR FOUNDATIONAL LAWS OF MARRIAGE, THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE IN MARRIAGE. THIS IS OUR BIGGEST AND BEST SEMINAR. AND WE WANT TO PUT THE FULL CD SERIES INTO YOUR HANDS, AND THE BOOK FOR YOUR GIFT OF $50 OR MORE. AND LET ME TELL YOU, THAT’S A BARGAIN. AND FOR YOUR GIFT RIGHT NOW OF $110 OR MORE, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE ABLE TO DO THAT, WE WANT TO SEND YOU THE 10-PART DVD SERIES, ALONG WITH THE BOOK “MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK,” AND ALSO OUR LITTLE BOOK, “HAPPY, HAPPY LOVE.” IT IS A FANTASTIC BOOK TO HELP YOU IN THE AREA OF ROMANCE, INTIMACY, JUST MAKING YOUR MARRIAGE MORE FUN. PUTTING THE SPARK BACK IN YOUR MARRIAGE. WE WANT TO PUT THESE RESOURCES INTO YOUR HANDS. HERE’S HOW YOU CAN GET THEM. ANNOUNCER: “MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK,” THE BEST-SELLING BOOK AND SERIES, IS THE ESSENTIAL RESOURCE TO HAVING THE MARRIAGE OF YOUR DREAMS. THROUGH THIS POWER-PACKED SERIES, MARRIAGE EXPERT JIMMY EVANS WILL SHOW YOU HOW TO DEAL WITH REAL-LIFE CHALLENGES AND OFFER EASY-TO-UNDERSTAND SOLUTIONS THAT WILL TRANSFORM YOUR RELATIONSHIP. JIMMY WILL ADDRESS ALL THE MAJOR ISSUES A COUPLE WILL ENCOUNTER, LIKE COMMUNICATION, FINANCES, SEX, KIDS, HIS AND HER NEEDS, BLENDED FAMILIES, AND MUCH MORE. FOR YOUR GIFT OF ANY AMOUNT, YOU’LL RECEIVE THE CD SINGLE “THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE IN MARRIAGE.” FOR YOUR GIFT OF $50 OR MORE, WE’LL SEND YOU THE “MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK” BOOK AND CD SERIES. FOR YOUR GIFT OF $110 OR MORE, YOU’LL RECEIVE THE BOOK AND DVD SERIES, PLUS THE PASSION-REIGNITING “HAPPY, HAPPY LOVE” BOOK. DISCOVER GOD’S DESIGN FOR YOUR DREAM MARRIAGE. WHETHER YOU’VE BEEN MARRIED FOR YEARS OR JUST PREPARING FOR THE JOURNEY, EXPERIENCE “MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK” TODAY. THIS PROGRAM TODAY IS ON COMMUNICATION. THIS COMES FROM THE “MARRIAGE ON THE ROCK” SEMINAR, A 10-PART SEMINAR WHERE IT TALKS ABOUT, YOU KNOW, IN-LAWS, CHILDREN, UH, COMMUNICATION, SEX, BLENDED FAMILIES, ROLES IN MARRIAGE, HOW TO UNDERSTAND AND MEET YOUR SPOUSE’S NEEDS, SO ON AND SO FORTH. BUT THIS IS ONE PART OF THAT FULL SEMINAR ON COMMUNICATION. AND, YOU KNOW, LIKE I WAS SAYING IN THE TEACHING THERE, COMMUNICATION IS, YOU KNOW, IT’S EVERYTHING IN A MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP. YOU CAN’T FALL IN LOVE WITH A PERSON, STAY IN LOVE WITH A PERSON YOU’RE NOT TALKING TO. YOU CERTAINLY CAN’T, YOU KNOW, BE INTIMATE WITH A PERSON THAT YOU’RE NOT TALKING TO. AND LIKE ANY OTHER WAR, YOU KNOW, WHEN AN ENEMY’S TRYING TO DEFEAT SOMEBODY, THEY TRY TO CUT THEIR COMMUNICATION LINES. AND WHEN THE DEVIL’S TRYING TO DESTROY YOUR MARRIAGE, WHAT HE TRIES TO DO IS CUT YOUR COMMUNICATION LINES. IT’S SO CRITICAL THAT AS A MARRIED COUPLE, THAT WE TALK, BUT WE TALK PROACTIVELY. IN OTHER WORDS, WE TALK BEFORE THINGS BECOME AN ISSUE. THERE’S THREE TYPES OF COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE–THERE’S PROACTIVE, THERE’S REACTIVE, AND THERE’S RADIOACTIVE. PROACTIVE COMMUNICATION MEANS, WE’RE GOING TO SIT DOWN PROACTIVELY, AND WE’RE GOING TO SIT FACE TO FACE, AND WE’RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE KIDS AND TALK ABOUT MONEY AND TALK ABOUT SEX AND TALK ABOUT, YOU KNOW, THE ISSUES THAT WE’RE HAVING BEFORE THEY BECOME ISSUES. ‘CAUSE WE’RE GOING TO SIT DOWN AND TALK ABOUT ‘EM, AND RESOLVE THOSE. THE SECOND TYPE OF COMMUNICATION IS REACTIVE COMMUNICATION. IN OTHER WORDS, WE’RE NOT TALKING PROACTIVELY. AND BY THE WAY, AMOS 3:3 SAYS, CAN TWO WALK TOGETHER UNLESS THEY FIRST AGREE? ANSWER’S NO. IF YOU’RE NOT TALKING, YOU’RE BOTH–YOU CAN’T WALK TOGETHER ‘CAUSE YOU BOTH ARE TRYING TO GO DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS. AND SO, BUT WHEN YOU SIT DOWN AND TALK AND YOU SAY, YOU KNOW SOMETHING, WE’RE GOING TO WALK FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES TOGETHER. AND IF WE’RE GOING TO DO THAT, YOU KNOW, WE REALLY NEED TO GET INTO AGREEMENT ABOUT THE KIDS AND ABOUT MONEY AND ABOUT ALL THESE KINDS OF THINGS. WHEN YOU PROACTIVELY COMMUNICATE, IT’S SUCH A BLESSING, IT’S SUCH AN ENJOYABLE JOURNEY. WHEN YOU DON’T, YOU REACT. YOU’RE REACTING TO MONEY, YOU’RE REACTING TO THE KIDS, YOU’RE REACTING TO WORK STRESS, YOU’RE REACTING TO ALL THESE OTHER THINGS THAT ARE GOING ON. AND WHAT HAPPENS THEN, YOU START REACTING AND FIGHTING, AND THEN, IT BECOMES RADIOACTIVE. AND THAT MEANS SOMEBODY’S GOING TO GET HURT. WE CAN’T TALK ABOUT THIS WITHOUT NAME CALLING, WITHOUT YELLING, WITHOUT EXPLOSIVE TEMPER AND THINGS LIKE THAT. WHEN KAREN AND I WERE ON THE BRINK OF DIVORCE, WE HAD RADIOACTIVE ISSUES IN OUR MARRIAGE THAT WE COULDN’T TALK ABOUT. BUT WHEN WE BEGAN TO SIT DOWN, WHEN I BEGAN AS A HUSBAND TO SIT DOWN AND PATIENTLY TALK WITH MY WIFE ABOUT THE THINGS THAT WERE GOING ON, AND TO BE HUMBLE, AND TO SAY I WAS SORRY, AND TO RESOLVE ONE CONFLICT AFTER THE OTHER, AND TO BEGIN TO AGREE ON THE KIDS, AND AGREE ON MONEY, AND AGREE ON THESE THINGS. THE ENTIRE ATMOSPHERE OF OUR HOME CHANGED. IT DRAMATICALLY CHANGED OUR HOME. AND TODAY, WE DON’T REACT TO ISSUES. AND WE HAVE NO RADIOACTIVE ISSUES IN OUR MARRIAGE. WE PROACTIVELY COMMUNICATE. AND BECAUSE WE SIT DOWN AND RESPECT EACH OTHER, WE’RE NOT AFRAID OF TRUTH. WE LET EACH OTHER SHARE THE TRUTH WITHOUT ATTACKING EACH OTHER. WE’RE NOT DEFENSIVE. WHENEVER YOU DO THAT, IT CHANGES EVERYTHING. AND THEN YOU’RE ABLE TO TALK. YOUR COMMUNICATION LINES ARE OPEN. YOU FALL BACK IN LOVE IF YOU’VE LOST THE PASSION IN YOUR MARRIAGE. YOU BECOME INTIMATE BECAUSE YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT EVERYTHING. AND IT’S WONDERFUL TO BE ABLE TO TALK IN MARRIAGE. SO MAYBE IF YOU’VE LOST THE PASSION AND INTIMACY OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP, YOU REALIZE YOU’RE NOT TALKING THE WAY THAT YOU SHOULD, YOU BE THE FIRST. YOU BE THE FIRST IN YOUR MARRIAGE TO OPEN UP AND BEGIN TO TALK AND TELL YOUR SPOUSE, HEY, LET’S SIT DOWN. LET’S SIT DOWN AND TALK ABOUT MONEY. LET’S SIT DOWN AND DEVELOP A BUDGET. LET’S SIT DOWN AND DEVELOP A PLAN RELATED TO THE KIDS. LET’S SIT DOWN AND TALK ABOUT THESE IMPORTANT ISSUES OF OUR MARRIAGE UNTIL WE COME INTO AGREEMENT AND NOTHING IS OFF-LIMITS. AND WHEN YOU DO THAT, I PROMISE, IT CHANGES EVERYTHING. I HOPE THAT YOU’VE BEEN BLESSED BY TODAY’S PROGRAM. I ALSO HOPE, IF YOU’VE BEEN TOUCHED BY THIS MINISTRY, THAT YOU’LL STAND WITH US FINANCIALLY. THE INFORMATION IS THERE ON YOUR SCREEN. I HOPE THAT YOU’LL GIVE YOUR MOST GENEROUS GIFT. ANYTHING THAT YOU GIVE IS A BLESSING TO US. NOTHING IS TOO SMALL, NOTHING IS TOO LARGE. WE GO ALL OVER THE WORLD HELPING PEOPLE IN MARRIAGE, AND WE CAN DO IT BECAUSE OF WONDERFUL PEOPLE LIKE YOU. PLEASE STAND WITH US FINANCIALLY. HOPE YOU’VE BEEN BLESSED BY THIS PROGRAM TODAY. WE’LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME. GOD BLESS YOU. Thank you for watching MarriageToday. Subscribe to MarriageToday’s YouTube channel for more marriage-building videos and updates.

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