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The Most Common Body Language Problem – Eye Contact


It’s without a doubt that eye contact is the most important body language aspect that you need to improve on Cereal boxes with mascots making eye contact with consumers are purchased significantly more than those that do not. 80% percent of all patient complaints in hospitals, mention a lack of eye contact between the doctor and the patient. Scientists even suggest that the reason why we’re the only primates in the world with white in our eyes is due to the fact that our eyes are meant to be seen. Eye contact is just that important. But we’ve all met that guy who stares at us just a little too much. Too much eyecontact and you’ll come off as hostile, intimidating, condescending and even straight-up crazy. It can easily make others feel uncomfortable and make you come off as quote unquote too intense. On the other side of the spectrum there’s that guy who barely looks at you when he talks. Too little eye contact and you’ll appear nervous, insincere and disinterested. Lack of eye contact will also make it very hard for you to build friendships and even harder for you to find romance but if you can get it just right you unlock a whole plethora of benefits People with good eye contact come off as significantly more confident and charismatic. Studies have shown that those who maintain a good amount of eye contact are more memorable; are perceived as more popular and are more attractive to members of the opposite sex. But what exactly is good eye contact? Generally the rule to go by is the 80/20 rule. You want to be holding eye contact for eighty percent of the time and you want to be glancing elsewhere for twenty percent of the time. Other key points to keep in mind: Number 1: you want to focus on only one eye. It doesn’t matter whether it’s the right one or the left one. Bold eye contact with just that eye. Number 2: You don’t want to just look you also want to incorporate facial movements depending on the social situation. So let’s say somebody is telling you something, you know, very serious, very personal you don’t just want to look at them. You want to also incorporate some facial movements like furrowing your eyebrows or looking concerned because what this does is it makes the speaker feel like you’re listening to them even more. Number 3: In general when you’re speaking you want to be holding eye contact longer than when you’re listening Number 4: If you’re speaking in front of a group, you want to hold eye contact with every single member of the group while speaking for a couple of seconds so that everyone feels like they’re included in the conversation. Of course all of this stuff is easier said than done. The majority of us fall in the side of the spectrum with two little eye contact. If you have trouble maintaining eye contact in public it may feel uncomfortable to adjust the amount of time you want to be holding eye contact for. But if you really want to reap all the benefits then you’re going to have to be willing to make the change. The easiest way to improve on this body language aspect is to play a little game with yourself. A little game called the staring contest game. Rules are very simple. When you’re walking down the street try to hold eye contact with everyone that passes by. The aim of the game is to resist being the first one to look away. It’s very simple. It’s kind of tough at first but after a couple of days of playing this game you’ll see a massive improvement in your eye contact skills and when you improve your eye contact skills you’ll notice an immediate positive effect throughout all of your social interactions. This episode was brought to you with the help of the guys at audible.com . You guys all know how much I believe in reading on a daily basis but some of us don’t have the time to sit down and read a physical book. I get it, but Audible provides you with over a hundred-eighty thousand books to listen to whether it be on to go, while you’re doing your chores or during your workout. To get your free audio book called an audibletrial.com/improvementpill This week I’m listening to the 4-Hour Workweek by Tim Ferriss. A book about a guy who works less than four hours a week and manages a multi million-dollar company. Check it out. Besides that stay tuned.

100 Replies to “The Most Common Body Language Problem – Eye Contact”

  • So if you walk towards someone and you both stare at each other, do you keep staring if they do? Do you turn your head back and keep staring?

  • I have a very strange problem-
    when I look in someones eyes I veery often start to laught. I tried doing the "staring contest" before I've seen this video and I just cant do it. I look in someones eyes on the street and then start to laugh/smile alot when they stare back at me and I somehow can't hold it back and laugh for few more seconds after he passed by. I think i might be crazy

  • Something I've been playing with lately is occasionally switching the eye that I'm focusing on when listening to somebody. It may reveal a "side" of them that you didn't notice before.

  • ALSO, it's important to emphasize keeping ~80/20 eye contact WHILE YOU ARE SPEAKING and not just while you're listening to someone. Personally, this is what I need to work on. It sometimes comes from an insecurity that others don't care about what I have to say.

  • I don't really understand why hold eye contact with only one eye? Is there a good reason to why? I usually do just fine when holding eye contact with both eyes.

  • I love that you add in challenges for us to carry out, It really helps put it to action and get the ball rolling. Knowledge is worthless without action. So it's nice to see you are encouraging action while also providing us with the knowledge.

  • this don't work too well with Mexicans lol. trust me I am Mexican and whenever I look at another paisa in the eye it starts a a staring contest which eventually leads to a glare down and on occasion leads to a confrontation

  • Yes! Eye contact improvement has changed my life. Took me a yr to get better and improve and for most of my life, I didnt even notice I was avoiding eye contact for most of my conversations. Practice practice practice, you will get better at it watch. You will notice things in people you never noticed before. E.g. other people using eye contact to try to intimidate you.

  • A question on a side that most people overlook.

    What can a person with Asperger's/High functioning autism do to help stop the instany anxiety attacks that occur with eye contact?

    Wonderful vids, I am sure they have helped many, and I have learned a few things myself, but I am desperately seeking help with the autism side of social disorders. Many of the normal help videos just dont work for us. Many of us simply can't make eye contact, or read body language, or be able to come up with the proper follow up questions to keep a conversation flowing to reach past small talk… because we are just different.
    One side of all this that really sucks, is that many of us with differences are expected to change to fit in. To learn the norm. Changing who we are just to make others happy is exhausting enough on its own, on top of all the other things we have to focus on to live a "normal" acceptable life. Sorry to rant, just frustrated.

  • It might be the way i look, i dont know but who ever i make eye contact with whom i dont know shows sign of discomfort or challenge, i dont have much of a facial expression i just wonder and think a lot when i walk. It's really annoying so now when I talk to someone i rarely make eye contact

  • I've recently discovered you and just want to say thank you so much. Your channel has quickly become one of my favourites.

    Entertaining and extremely productive, thank you so much.

  • Great advice as always! I wanna add something: focusing on just one eye is the way to go – however if you want to speak to the right side of the brain (which is probably what you wanna be doing) you might want to look into the left eye. If holding strong eye contact is tough for you, just look right between the eyes, the other person will most likely still feel like you're looking them into the eyes. 🙂

  • I started the stranger eyecontact thing a few weeks ago, as I'm walking to work everyday. I noticed that most people you pass by, wont even look at you(r face), and the rest would just look at you for a tiny moment. I think thats kinda sad.

  • What if i do the staring contest thing to people and they give me the look like im up to something? Won't it be awkward?

  • some people hate eye contact and may fight u for doing it. others believe eye contact is important to do. depends on who you are around

  • More contact when listening. When speaking you're allowed to roll eyes and focus yours eyes somewhere else as a sign of thinking.

  • I graduated from college in Communication Studies but ImprovementPill is the Legit Schoolmaster

  • before i watched your video, i just thought that it was my imagination that my classmate's eyes was shining brightly everytime he looked directly into my eyes. oh god! so we can really know that whether someone likes us not not just through their eyes??? thanks a lots for your video. and your voice is really beautiful ^^

  • Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think 'Other Rules to Follow' #3 is backwards. Maintaining eye contact is more important when listening because it demonstrates that you're paying attention, and diverting eye contact becomes more necessary when you're talking because it helps you think and recall facts.

  • I see comments like "that staring contest will get you beat up from where i'm from…" and "Haha. Imagine some guy walking down the street staring at each person. He won't last long." all up in the comments section. Understand that you do NOT want to be giving off an "I want to beat the crap out of you" look. You want to smile while you play this Staring contest game. Maybe wave or greet the person depending on the situation and if its really that bad where you are from then only play this game with people who dont look as threatening. Eye contact plays a big part in dealing with people and dealing with people properly leads to your success. Eye contact is actually a great way to spread a smile. 🙂

  • after searching too many videos and wasting lots of my time, finally a worth watching video. thanks

  • If you have autism or Asperger's, I don't see the point in mimicking eye contact purely so you can appear "normal" when talking to people when it's an unnatural thing for you to do. Doing that for me just kills the emotion and takes all the fun out of conversations with people.

  • For people saying they'd get punched or so for doing the eye stare while walking by, just do it on the opposite gender. As a guy for example, give girls walking by a friendly eye contact and maybe throw a smile in. You won't get punched for that lol

  • Every guy around is pointing out that they can end up in a fight with the "contest". The problem as a young female is that if you make I contact it will suggest that you have a sexual interest or that you are trying to seduce the person. Furthermore, I believe that it aplies both to making eye contact with males or with other females.

  • So I was walking down the street and umm well I think I stared at those gang members to long I no longer have a home and car

  • I'm that kid who makes too much eye contact
    Teacher: looks at you
    Me: looks em in the eye
    Teacher: makes long eye contact whilst discussing to look intimidating
    Me: YEAH BICH I AIN'T SCARED stares

  • Thank you so much for your share. its so useful for me in a easy and visual direct way. Look forward yr next video clips :)))

  • And if you have children..Start teaching this to them early!!! With all of my kids even as babies i would make sure they looked at me when i talked to them. Then by 3 i started explaining to look at someone when they are talking to you or you're talking to them. Even if you're just saying thankyou.
    Like if someone in a store tells my son who is 5. "you are so cute" I have him stop..look at the person and say "Thank you" ♡

  • a girl 2 tables down I look at she does not look at me even though I look away, then look back at her she does not look back, she looks at me after more than 5 minutes then looks away quickly, the 2nd time she looks at me can I give her a little wave with my hand to let her know I see you? She did not give me a 2nd look should I have done something during her 1st look

  • I live in Japan, and it's considered impolite to make too much eye contact here.
    So I wonder how I should approach it :/

  • Thank you for the great video!! but playing the staring contest when you're a young woman is risky and brings unwanted attention 🙁

  • I love you.

    To improve my eye contact skills, I used to, and still do, recite the eye color of the person who I just have talked to — minutes and even hours after the interaction.

  • I loose my lot of appartunities in life be z of eye contact… thank u for ur useful suggestions…

  • If you stare at everyone while walking you'll eventually run into a Psycho; N then you're screwed. As, the country has changed you must use caution. But, back in the 50's n 60's etc…I know in the big city you don't do that as a rule of conduct. "I just walk straight with my chin up n look through the corner of my eye what's around me; and avoid staring at most people.

  • I used to do these things naturally
    Thanks for reminding me.. I been like 10 years on a PC:( so sorry for myself losing these skills but I’m sure it will come soon.

  • I live in the city what do I do when someone is coming my way at a sidewalk? Like do I prentend they are not there until they are near me then smile or do I do the head nod thing or not even look at them?

  • Play that eye contact game with females yea but when I guy look at me too long-it can get hostile like wtf you lookin at?!! Are you gay? Yes that has happened. Staring contest is for the sex you are attracted to and if you are gay-Be careful staring and real nwords

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