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“Language Barriers” | Russell Peters – The Green Card Tour

>>Russell Peters: You’ll notice when you’re walking around any major city now, uhm, and I notice this here even, in England, which is ironic, that you find less and less people speaking English, nowadays. Like, even in America, I walk through any major city, and I hear people speaking every other language, but English, and the fucked up thing for me is, I can only speak English. I know words in other people’s languages. I know phrases. I know how to say certain things, but I can’t speak anything, from top to bottom, other than English, and which, you know, like, if I was to talk to you, if I was to start speaking Punjabi to you, uhm- I know enough to start a conversation, but then if you replied, I would just go, [Nervously speaking] “Yeah.” Right? Like, that’s why i’ve created my own language. I’d be like, [Speaking foreign language] I’m like, “Ahh, but-but-but.” That’s what I would do. That’s all I do. I’ve created my own language called “But But,” and then, you know, with Indian people, because we have so many dialects, they may just think, [Indian accent] “Oh I don’t know that dialect of– What is, “but-but-but-but?” [Laughter] What I like to do, is I like to listen to people speak another language, and then I play this game where I try to figure out what language it is, but to fuck with them, in the meantime, I stare at them every now and then, and smile, like I know what they’re saying. You should see how paranoid people get. I’m sitting at this cafe, there’s these people behind me, and all I hear is, [Speaking Gibberish with Latvian accent] and I look at them, and I go, “ha-ha-ha-ha.” and they were like, [Latvian accent] “We must move. This man speaks Latvian” [Laughter] [Latvian accent] “Damn you, Rosetta Stone.” [Laughter] But I always listen, for like, the one key word in English, you know? You ever do that? You hear somebody speaking another language, then you listen for the one key word, in English, and then you try and piece together together what they’re talking about. But the funny thing is, you’ll hear a word, that sounds like an English word, but it won’t mean the same thing to them. Like, they’ll go, [Speaking Gibberish with Latvian accent] [Latvian accent] “shopping mall” and you’re like, “A-ha! They’re going to a shopping mall,” but then you find out that shopping mall means bread, to them, or something, you know? [Laughter] There’s always words in people’s languages that will make you laugh, because it’ll sound like a word in your language. Are there any Hungarian people here tonight? [A few audience members cheer] Really? [Laughter] It was just a fluke question, really. [Speaking to audience member] Do you speak Hungarian sweetheart? What’s the Hungarian word for, “kiss?” Not “csók,” the other word.>>Russell: “Puszi,” right? Did you know that? That’s the Hungarian word for kiss. “Puszi” To us, fucking hilarious, isn’t it? PUSSY! ha-haa, pussy! But to Hungarian people – very innocent. They’ll be on the phone: “Ok, puszi puszi,” [Makes two kissing sounds] and they’ll hang up! [Laughter] And we’ll be like, “Ha-ha, double pussy!” [Laughter] And the only reason I know this, is because I would– I was at a strip joint, you know, once. Uhm– [Laughter] Researching some material, uhm, quite extensively, and uh– and my stripper, she was Hungarian, and I guess I was making her laugh, and by the end of the night, she goes, [Hungarian accent] “You are so nice. I want to give you puszi.” And I’m like, “I would love to receive, uhm– [Laughter] the aforementioned “pussy.” And she goes, “Close your eyes,” and I close my eyes, and all of a sudden I feel, [Makes kiss sound] on my cheek, and I’m like, “Did she just rub her pussy on my face?” [Laughter] ‘Cause if I would’ve known that was gonna happen, I would have done the old, [Making funny noises] [Laughter and Cheers] But you’ll always hear words in people’s languages, that remind you of words you know. Like, when I was in the Philippines, I forgot that I knew the Filipino word for “tits.” Which is, “Susu” Now, “susu” sounds funny, in English, but it’s even funnier for Indian people, [Laughter] because “susu,” is what we say to a little kid who has to go to the bathroom [Indian accent] “What’s the matter? You have to go susu? You have to go susu. Go, go susu. Go susu. Nicely go, go nicely, go susu.” [Laughter] But I forgot, in the Philippines, that it meant “tits,” and when I was there, I met this chick, and she’s like, [Filipino accent] “So, do you want to see my susu?” [Laughter] And I’m like, “No! Flush it!” [Laughter] [Filipino accent] “Oh my God, you’re so kinky!” [Makes toilet flushing sound] [Laughter ] ♪♪

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