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How To Learn Sign Language

How to Improve communication with your partner and Live a healthy life – John Gray

♪ [music] ♪ – [David] Hello achievers, today I am with a
new amazing expert. He’s John Gray. I am sure you know him, he’s with me to answer
my question. He’s a relationship expert and also the author of the worldwide book
“Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.” You can find his book in every language,
so in French it is “Les Hommes viennent de Mars Les Femmes viennent de Venus”.
Hello John. – [John] Oh hello. – How are you today? – Very good thanks. – And I have a lot of question to
ask you but my first question is who are you and why did you
become a relationship expert? – Well, actually when I was in my
20s, I’m in my 60s now, so 40 years ago I was a celibate monk and my brother became
bipolar and spirituality did not help that. So I stopped being a monk and I came
to California and studied psychology hoping that would help, helped a little
bit. Eventually, he committed suicide but I developed lots of skills in psychology
and realized I’m very talented in counseling couples particularly. Then
later on in my life the last twelve years I really discovered actual supplements and
nutrition that can help him and have helped thousands of people who have
bipolar, schizophrenia, depression, anxiety, sleeplessness, libido all of
those things dramatically affect our relationships. And more and more as people
fall in love they begin to exhibit a little bit of the symptoms of bipolar,
Schizophrenia which means that one day they’re so loving and the next day they’re
not. And relationship skills are very important to support lasting
love but also nutrition as well but we always to focus
first on relationship skills. – Yeah and we will talk about nutrition
just after, why it’s so important for you to manage and
build good relationship? Why did you decide
to focus on relationship? – Well, I think is as when I was
studying psychology and I counseled couples I’m just very good at it. I mean,
since I’m a rebel and still to this day the universities often reject my
ideas even though they’re most popular psychology ideas in the world. Some
therapists accept them because they see their clients get better but unfortunately
in the universities they’re trying to convince people all the time trying to
convince that there’s no differences between men and women when it’s so obvious
that men and women are different. And my message is not to say all men are that way
or all women are that way but it’s to have a positive connection to understand in
a positive way our differences when they show up and we have a positive
way nonjudgmental way of looking at our differences. We can keep our hearts open
and love can thrive and we can easily or more easily more effectively communicate
better if we have a better sense of how my partner thinks and feels
maybe differently from me. – So what are the
secrets of communication? – Well, the first secret is to
really realize that we are different and it says if men are from Mars and women are
from Venus like a whole another planet. So one of the big
difference is and there’s a very funny video
on You Tube that people can check out and it’s called “It’s not
about the nail” and it’s a woman with a nail on her forehead talking to her
husband and complaining I have a headache and he says, “Well, maybe if you took the
nail out of your head.” And she says, “It’s not about the nail, I just want you
to hear me.” There’s a time in a place to solve a problem and men particularly like
to solve problems and feel good but women often want to just talk about problems,
talk about their feelings not that every woman but when there’s communication
problems which is so much of the time. One of the ways that women when they’re
stressed can feel better is talk about what’s bothering them. So they talk about
it and they talk about it and if they talk to a man or their husband, he listens and
he tends to go, “Well, don’t worry about that. Well, that’s not a problem. Well,
don’t make such a big deal out of it. Let’s just forget it. Well I’ll handle
that for you. Well, don’t cook the food like this, cook the food like that. Well,
don’t take this road, take that road.” In our mind if there’s
a problem and you’re upset you just solve
the problem or you have an… – Action oriented. – Action oriented and women
certainly can solve problems. Often, people misinterpret my message by saying
that women can’t solve problems. That’s nonsense but man’s first reaction to
stress is what can I do to fix it? What can I do to solve it? And a woman’s first
reaction unless she has to solve something right away it’s let’s talk about it
particularly when there’s nothing you can do about it, right now let’s at least talk
about it. So I taught those ideas over 30 years ago and even then it was
controversial and people bet but no that’s silly. It’s not silly. It’s that this is a
biological need that women have and now I have the science behind it which is why
I’ve continue to write books on the same subject is that science keeps giving us
more and more information and one of the differences between men and women on a
biological level and this is every man and every woman fits into
this category. Whereas for men they have 30 times at
least 30 times more testosterone than women. Testosterone is all about faster
reaction time. It’s all about solving problems. So if there’s stress, a man’s
testosterone goes up and it makes him want to solve the problem and if he can’t solve
the problem then he feels frustrated and he becomes uncomfortable and he begins to
suffer. So for women they don’t have the testosterone levels that men have, their
bodies aren’t designed that way. Women cope with stress by another hormone not
testosterone it’s called oxytocin. It’s friendship hormone, it’s a love hormone.
It’d be like if somebody scary walks into the room, you could put up a sword that’s
testosterone fight or flight or you could say, “Here are some cookies. Let’s be
friends. Let’s find out what’s the problem. Let’s talk about it.”
That’s the oxytocin response and women all have this oxytocin
response that regulates stress. Testosterone doesn’t lower stress for
women. Testosterone lower stress for men. What lowers stress for women is oxytocin
and oxytocin is produced by romance, by communication, by affection, by empathy,
by when a man sees into a woman, huge amounts of oxytocin gets produced. That’s
why women want to share so if they can share what’s positive or share what’s
negative it doesn’t matter just see who I am and if a man sees that and feels and
in a loving nonjudgmental way then women begin to glow, oxytocin levels
increase stress levels go down. So to me understanding the biology even when I was
teaching this it made such a difference. So now if my wife’s upset about, “Oh we’re
late.” I don’t say, “Don’t worry about it.” I don’t try to talk her out of it. I
don’t say, “It’s not a big deal. They can wait.” I just go, “Yeah, we’re late.” And
that’s it. I don’t have to talk her out of what she feels because that’s what men
think would be the solution is to talk her out of her feelings rather
than to support her feelings. It’s like, “oh my gosh,
we are late.” – And how did
you discover that? – Oh the way I discovered that?
Well, I was a 30 years ago I’m in marriage Counseling, counseling couples and what I
would see all the time is men would just interrupt women. And I said just try not
saying anything. Try not saying anything the whole session and let me ask her
questions and women would feel better. But you did ask an important question, how did
I discover it? This was my discovery and this was 35 years ago. I had a nice little
counseling practice and I made one change. I decided that I was going to
practice not fixing women because I would hear women say it was like I invented this
women were saying, “I don’t want him to fix it. I don’t want him to fix it.” So I
thought okay I’m going to practice and not interrupt and
instead of giving solutions I’m going to ask more
questions, ask more questions. Now, after doing this for about a month my
counseling practice was sold out and then I had a waiting list. And the people that
were coming to me I said it was women and I said, “Why did you pick me as your
therapist?” And they said, “Oh my friend told me about you.” And I said, “What did
they say?” They said, “You’re a therapist who really cares.” Now the interesting
thing is I’ve always really cared but… – You just changed
the way you do it. – That’s exactly. I changed the way
I demonstrate my caring because I began to understand that women truly get great
benefit by talking rather than always solving the problem.
It’s not that there’s no problem solving
but first there’s talking. – And what do you think about the
fact that some men more used to speak and some women more oriented action,
do you understand my question? – Oh you mean when
there’s role reversal? – Yeah. – Okay, this destroys relationships
today and it’s happening a lot to young guys because young guys…here’s the
principle if women said, “We’re turned on by men who walk on their arms upside
down”, all these men would be walking around this park on their arms upside down
because what makes women happy men are motivated to do that until they become
disappointed and then they stop doing it. Because if she’s not happy why bother
doing those things. So well women have put out this message that we want men to be
more open and share their feelings and talk more. So men are now talking more and
sharing their feelings more and women come to me as a counselor and go, “He talks too
much. He has too many problems, I can’t be turned on to him.” So as a man and a woman
it doesn’t work. That what works and I don’t want to be too extreme here because
I’m not saying there’s any one way but what I’ve seen as a marriage counselor
over and over and over when a man talks more than the woman in a relationship,
they stop having sex. Why? Because men who are talkative usually they’re interrupting
their wives. They’re trying to fix her or they’re complaining about their days and
she might start to complain and he says, “That’s nothing. Let me tell you about
my day.” And then he complains more. These men after a while their wives don’t
want to talk and sometimes if I talk to women in an audience and women say, “Well,
I don’t like the talk at the end of the day.” And I say, “Well, what would
have happened if you did talk?” “Well, my husband would go on and on and talk more.
I don’t have time for that.” So many women have never even had the experience of
being fully heard and have somebody hear them and ask questions and empathize
with them and so these women are often confused. And so they say, “I want men to
be like my girlfriend.” Then when he becomes like a girlfriend she’s not turned
on to him and when he becomes like a girlfriend his male hormones are no longer
being stimulated and he loses his attraction for her. So the average length
of relationships today with young people like you is five years. That’s the
average. It takes about three years and then all the passion
goes away and two years to figure out how to
get out of this relationship. – So how to get
back the passion? – To get back can the passion is
Understand…passion is like a magnetic force. You know I see my wife and I just
feel like oh I want to connect, I want to get closer to her. If I’m with her all the
time, I don’t feel that way. There’s a hormonal change that happens when you
spend too much time with your partner. You see for men you have to
have distance to want to cross. – That’s amazing. – See, if you want to get close you
have to pull away and get close again. If you even think about the act of sex you
get close and you pull away. It’ll be very very boring if you just went there and
stayed. So it’s in and out, in and out. This action of going in releases
testosterone then a hormone called oxytocin gets released in his body which
feels good, it’s love. You go in and you feel love but oxytocin pushes testosterone
down so he has to pull back to rebuild the testosterone. Men have to stay being men,
they can’t just do everything women want them to do. So here’s an example a man his
girlfriend says, “Oh you’re busy doing the computer. You’re busy watching TV. We
should be sharing together doing things together.” He wants to please her so he
starts talking about his day, they start having conversation whatever. What will
happen if he doesn’t take time apart, see when a man comes home the biggest
complaint women have is, “Oh he comes home he ignores me. He watches a football game
or he reads a newspaper. He just spends time alone on the computer.” And she’s
going, “Why isn’t he interested in me? Why is he sitting on that couch ignoring me?”
Well, there’s a reason for that and young men don’t know that reason. Women
just go, “You shouldn’t be doing that.” If you go to these poor people in the
Scandinavian countries there’s no passion at all because men are feminized. Men are
taught, “Hey, I’ve been working all day. You should be working with me.” As the man
works hard during the day he uses up his testosterone. So women can’t understand
this a man uses up his testosterone. He has to rebuild his testosterone. How do
you rebuild testosterone? You relax. You relax and you don’t do anything serious
hobby, something fun, something enjoyable You don’t solve serious problems and you
don’t have intimate conversations. You just let yourself have kind of an empty
mind and relax whatever you’re doing and that is what rebuilds testosterone. And
I’m not saying he should ignore her all evening, he just needs
his time so that in my book “Men Are From Mars”
it was called the cave time. Is that men on Mars they tend to all have
caves at the end of the day you go to your cave. There’s a sign on the cave that
says, “Do not enter or be burned by a dragon.” Which is women don’t read that
sign because they don’t understand men are different and they think, “Oh I’m supposed
to make conversation with him.” And quite often women will then ask us lots of
questions and we feel we’re supposed to answer them. What’s she really needs and
often she doesn’t even know, you have to recognize if people aren’t happy they
don’t know what they need. It’s people that, “I know what I need.” If you’re not
happy, you don’t know what you need. And that’s why you have to come to somebody to
get help. So women will say, “I want him to talk. I want him to open up.” I say,
“Well, woman no you don’t.” What you need is to open up yourself.
You need to share your feelings. Women would come to me 30 years ago and
say, “I want him…he’s in his head. He’s always analyzing things. I want him in his
heart. I want to feel him.” I say, “I don’t feel you at all except you’re just
complaining. How about you opening up and show some love. How about you sharing.”
And she says, “Well, I can’t do that because he’ll fix it or interrupt me. He
doesn’t understand.” I say, “Well, that’s what he needs to learn, not to be like a
girl and open up. He needs to learn to be a man and be like an oak tree stable not
whining and complaining and learn how to listen and empathize.” See these are old
fashioned male values that are being lost today as young men are being feminized and
told that they’re wrong for that. And then what happens is your average 40 year old
man’s not even turned on to his wife. This is very common, you get married you know
I’m 62 years old and I have sex three times a week. I have more but you know I
need a little if you have a little rest period in between
then you appreciate it more. It becomes too routine
but I have libido every day. My testosterone levels are the same as
when I was a young man. Your average man now today at 40 years old has the
testosterone levels of a 70 year old man 30 years ago. There’s a huge shift it’s
happening in the world. Men’s testosterone levels are going down. At 50 years old
your average male today has half the testosterone levels he had as a young man.
And we have to understand you have to do masculine things we’re not women. We
can’t do this women stuff and be men. And so there has to be an understanding and
younger men so much want to please their women and the women just say, “Well, I
want a girlfriend. I want somebody to chat with me. I want somebody to clean with me.
I want somebody who’s my partner doing things with me all the time.” What do you
mean you want to go off with the guys and drink some beer? You can’t do that, you’re
married. Are you kidding? Of course, he has to do that. See, men have always done
this for a thousand…we’ve been on this planet hundreds of thousands of years look
at what people have done during that time. Women are here, men are here and yes this
is a new age where we’re coming closer together than ever before. Closer than
ever before but it doesn’t mean that becoming closer that
we should lose our identity. We should harmonize with the
opposite. That’s what keeps the passion. So if you think about passion it’s a
positive pole and a negative pole like a magnet and it goes like that. And if the
guy becomes like a woman then you’re repelled. So you lose the attraction and
we just heard the dogs barking right then. This is when couples argue and fight is
because they’re not knowing how to support each other’s emotional needs. And I talked
about one need there. There’s many of a man which is give him space. When he needs
to take a space, give him space don’t pester him about what he’s thinking or
what he’s feeling. Give him a little time off. Flipside of that, women need
intimacy, they need closeness, create some romance for her at least every week. One
romantic date, it doesn’t have to be over the top fantastic. Plan it in advance. Men
don’t realize waiting to the last minute and saying, “Hey, what would you like to
do tonight?” He thinks that’s romantic because he’s saying, “I’ll do whatever you
want.” No, what romance is for women is when they can anticipate the date a week
in advance at least days to think about it. This is a big thing for women. Like
for you if you’re thinking about big success just thinking about big success or
a big payment or a big interview or whatever it is you know it’s anticipation
but for women it’s the anticipation of affection, of romance, of
doing something she’d like to do. And again women expect men to be mind
readers like I’m supposed to know what she likes. How can we know that? Often you’ll
say to her, “What would you like?” She says, “I don’t know.” And if you know then
you’re like Mr. Romantic. This is all unrealistic. So what you do a week in
advance you sit with her and say, “Let’s think of some fun things next week that
you’d like to do.” And you can also say what we’d like to do but then say really
what would you like to do and I’ll pick the one that I’d like to do as well. That
way as a man you know you’re going to be successful. So most men stopped planning
dates because they know, “She is going to like this, that she like that. I don’t
know if she likes it or whatever.” And part of that is women not understanding a
man’s need. If he’s going the extra mile to take you out on a date that you’d like
to do then make sure that you have a positive attitude the whole date. He’s
doing his best, he’s dressing up. He’s doing what you would like. Do what he
would like and give him some love too. And how do you love a man?
By helping him feel successful. So if you have gone to a restaurant he
takes you out to eat and the beans are too salty don’t tell him. Just today you know
some women we’ll go, “Oh these beans are so salty I got a better recipe. And my
mother used to make beans better than this.” She could talk the whole night
about how bad the beans are because two women could do that and they’d all feel
happy. Because talking about problems creates oxytocin and bonding lower stress
for women and they feel good. Women feel good thinking I can tell all the people in
the world how bad that restaurant is. If you were the man and you say all that on a
personal level he’s providing this to you. It’s like he’s the chef, it’s like this is
his restaurant. You wouldn’t say that to the cook or the owner of the restaurant
unless he was saying, “Please tell me what’s wrong with my restaurant?” On a
romantic date don’t focus on what’s wrong. There’s other times to do that but not on
a romantic date. Just as on a romantic date he should provide for her a sense of
security, a sense of relaxation. He should take the time to find out what she would
like and provide that for her. Now this means every day of the week?
No, this is one day a week. It’s just that’s a
special romantic date. – It’s great. I love what you are
saying and I have a lot of question to ask you and a specific question for example I
work with Julie so we’re a lot in the same room in the same place, what is your
advice? I don’t know if you’ve ever think about that, if you
ever thought about that? – Of course, well couples who work
together often have like children if they’re together all the time you start
becoming a little allergic to each other. You can become annoyed, you become
irritated, you become bothered and it’s hard to feel passion for your partner if
you don’t have distance. So men have to take some distance and that can be any
kind of a thing you can have some buddies you go out with once a week. You know for
example for me I have two men support groups which means they meet once a month.
So I just go hang out with the guys and we talk about issues that are going on in
our life or we go in camping trips or we do something just guys. You need to be
just around guys or you need to take some time to meditate separately on your own or
have some exercise that you do. I go and swim in my pool for two hours you know
build my muscles up. Anything a man does to build his muscles is going to help
rebuild his testosterone but he needs to rest afterwards. See, you can’t always be
at the beck and call of your partner. The ideal thing is to let your partner
know what my wife knows is I’m her emergency man. If she really needs me I
will say yes to anything she needs but it needs to be emergency. She should know
there’s always a backup. That’s what women need is to feel they’re not alone. But the
same time I’m not like doing everything she wants when she wants it. So we have a
constant conversation which is, “Hey, would you help me with this?” I say, “Is
this an emergency or do you need it now or can I do it later?” So you don’t want to
feel like you’re always just doing what your partner wants, you should be doing
what you think is the right thing to do. So you always
have to come back to what do I think is the right thing
to do as opposed to just… – It is a question
for our life? – Yes, particularly for men. So if
for men we need to always be in control of ourselves. It’s always about control for
men because look at the world all the dysfunctional men are out of control. They
don’t know how to control their emotions. This is all that San Quentin I teach
classes over this prison right over the Bay San Quentin Prison, killers, murderers
and I go in there. These are guys who don’t think. They just emotionally react
and I teach them how to think. This is what men need to know, learn is don’t act
without thinking. So much of today is about to get in touch with your emotions
and feelings, what people don’t realize this is for women to do. Men have to learn
how to get in touch with their thinking and do the right thing only do things that
you think make sense and does it mean it will close up your feelings. No, what
opens a man to his heart to His Love to his compassion to his empathy is when he
thinks what’s the best thing to do and he does that and somebody loves him for it
that opens his heart. So women have the power to open a man’s
heart without a doubt but not by telling him to be like a girl but being a girl
herself, being a woman herself who can open up her feelings, share her feelings
in a way that doesn’t make you the bad guy. And that’s a whole new lesson. You
see for thousands of years women have never talked to men. This is a new
phenomenon, why is there so much divorce today? Why is there lack of passion today?
It’s women talking to men. It turns men off and then when he doesn’t hear her it
turns her off. She starts to feel like I can’t share. Go to any indigenous culture,
I’ve been around the world now over 20 times looking at indigenous cultures just
seeing how men and women interact. Women never talk to men, they talk to women
because women understand they’re like the same person and men talk with men or don’t
talk with men. We hang out together. This is a thing that we’ve done for thousands
of years. Why did women not share emotions with man? Because women’s brains women
learn if you get angry at a man he gets angry back. It were like the part of us
that has emotions is what’s called the middle part of the brain is the monkey
brain, not different from a monkeys. So you see couples when they’re fighting
or when they divorce they’re just acting like monkeys, a bit of are arguing about
the silliest little things. You said this, well you said that. You did this, well you
did that. Well, I didn’t do this but you did that. Well you said all the silliness
and it is that we have to realize that we all do it. I do it as well it’s the monkey
brain. Okay, this is the part of us we don’t want to turn it off because that’s
where the love is. But this is the human brain up front. This is what tells you
what to share, when to share, who to share with. So if I’m upset about something
I go and talk to some guys, I don’t go talk to my wife. If a man goes and talks
about his emotions with his wife about, “I’m scared at work or I’m upset about
this or I’m mad at this person.” What happens to her is she starts becoming
afraid of you or if it’s fear she starts feeling like your mother and she reminds
you over and over what you should do. So for women to share their emotions with
a man makes you feel like a hero and makes her feel like she can depend on you. When
men share their emotions, women feel like they’re your mother. Let me give you a
great example which I used to tell to the feminists who said, “Oh this is baloney
you know men and women are not that different.” I said imagine you have a
romantic relationship. This happened to me in the first few years of my marriage.
We went off on a retreat get away for a romantic getaway to a condominium in the
forest in another state. Well, we drove up there it took much longer to get there so
in the middle of the night we had dinner before we got there and in the restaurant
there was a magazine article about stalking bears. These are bears in this
place where we were going to which stalk human beings and kill them. They get into
your house and they kill you and this was happening up in Oregon at that time.
And we’re thinking this is silly, they say, “No, this is real”,
and they are showing us. Then we arrive in Oregon in the middle of
the night we don’t know where we are. There’s no street lights and we’re like
pickets stalking bears so we’re both scared, who wouldn’t be scared? We’re kind
of laughing about it but also scared. We get into our little house that we had
rented and we found it in the dark with flashlights and get inside
real fast who knows stalking bears? – It’s a movie. – And then it’s like a movie and
then we heard noises outside and we heard bang, bang, bang and with the holy
mackerel you know fear rises in both of us and I say to her, “Okay honey, I’m going
to check to see what it is. You just sit by the phone to call 911 if I call out to
you.” You know that call’s the police so whatever for help and so I went out to
look to see what this noise was. It was just a raccoon in the trash cans. But
when I came back in I said it was just a raccoon in the trash cans and she went,
“Oh good and that was really scary.” I said, “Yes, it was.” And she says to me
she goes, “Will you hold me I’m still kind of scared,” and I said, “Yes, I’ll hold
you.” Now what do you think happened next? We had the best sex of our lives because
she was feeling the hormones of me being the courageous one protecting her when
we’re in danger. So she felt cared for not alone and I’m
feeling that courageous hormone testosterone
in me oxytocin in her. Oxytocin is produced when you feel you’re
not alone and you can depend on someone who will risk their life for you. And I’m
over there risking my life for her and that’s testosterone. So I’m in a very male
role she’s in a very female role we had unbelievable sex.
Now, let’s see how that could have been
different. Let’s say , “I said to her…” – Another movie. – This is the other side of it so
now that we hear the noise we’re both scared and I say to her, “Honey I’m
scared. Would you go out and check to see if it’s a bear and I’ll sit by the phone
and she goes out and checks she comes back in and she’s, “Oh it was just a raccoon”,
and I say to her, “I’m still kind of scared, would you hold me?” And she holds
me, what’s going to happen after that? Nothing. There’s no passion hormones I
mean the female she’s in the masculine. Now let’s look at a modern relationship,
the third thing. This is what happens to some women who become too masculine. They
hear danger outside, guy and wife right there and she says, “Okay I want you to
sit in the chair and call 911. I’m going to go outside and check, don’t get up.”
Now what did she just do? She emasculated him. She cut off his balls and he’s this
nice guy who goes, “Okay, whatever to make you happy. I’ll do whatever
it takes to make you happy.” So women don’t realize
how they emasculate men. – So what do you suggest in this
case for the man? – If she’s cut
off your balls? – Yes. – You say to her. – Yeah. – That’s a good idea but I think a
better idea is for you to sit here and I’ll go out and check. Don’t be the girl.
And you know women will say to you when you have an argument, what do men do in
arguments? If they don’t argue back which is unmanly just to get this what means to
be a man. If a woman gets angry and you get angry back you’re a monkey. You’re in
your female side. Emotions are feminine, that’s what men have to get. Compassion
and positive emotions are both masculine and feminine. But when you’re in an angry
mode, when you’re sad and you’re crying when you’re afraid and
sometimes it’s a big problem, it’s appropriate to go to
your female side if you’re a man. But see what happens in men is when you’re
emotional the physiological dynamic in your body is your testosterone is
literally converting into estrogen, the female hormone. Your estrogen levels are
going up, your testosterone levels go down when you become emotional. Now there is a
time and place men’s brains are designed to become emotional when the problem is
huge and they feel powerless to do anything about it. So it reinforces
whenever you get emotional as a man you’re reinforcing a million year old trend that
I’m powerless to solve this problem. And you don’t want to reinforce that, you want
to come back to, okay take a deep breath, cool, calm and collect it . What is the
best thing for me to do now? I’m starting to get angry. Take another deep breath and
let it go and say to my partner, “I need some time to think about what you just
said and then we can talk later.” Don’t get into arguments because once you
start getting angry or afraid and you put it into words it’s like writing it in
stone and it doesn’t go away quickly so that men start getting into fights. And I
used to do that with my wife I’d be a good listener and then I would go in and give
that solution. It’s like putting your hand in an alligator’s mouth and she chops
on you. And then you blame her for that and get mad at her for that and you put
your hand in that alligator’s mouth. When a woman’s emotional, she doesn’t have the
ability to appreciate your solutions. Just keep that mind and what upsets the man the
most is when you want to solve the problem and somebody goes, “No, that’s not a
solution. What they’ll say is you don’t understand which by the way when we come
back to communication skills it’s the worst thing a woman can ever say to a man
is you don’t understand. Well, another way you can do it without
causing and then become defensive, this is our monkey brain
stuff, it just doesn’t work either way. If you feel a man doesn’t understand
there’s another way to say it that doesn’t make him defensive. You pause, just pause.
Okay, let me try saying this differently. Now if I say that to you, “Hmm let me try
saying this differently.” What message do you get? That you didn’t understand but
you don’t feel blamed. I’m taking responsibility for not communicating
effectively to you. That’s the number one rule in all communication classes. Is that
you don’t blame somebody else for not hearing, you take responsibility for what
you said and if they didn’t get it try another way. Try another way and if you
feel frustrated then say, “You know I need some time to figure out how to communicate
this to you and then I’ll come back and talk to you.” And if a
man’s getting defensive in an argument,
stop it right away. Today I’m appalled at these wimpy men who
fight and hit their wives. These are like not manly, it used to be like men would
never get angry at a woman or beat her or fight with her. You know this is like such
immaturity in men which is today we don’t have role models clarity of what it means
to be a man. You’re compassionate, you’re caring, you want to solve the problem, you
do the right thing. You don’t just emotionally react. This is what training
has been in all civilizations like an American Indian wants training to become
a man at 14 years old. Now, I’m not recommending this, I made better
recommendations for modern men. – Yeah, it is my next
question. So what do you say just to help
use to learn that? – Yeah, toughen up as a man. Okay,
stop listening to women trying to become what they want because they want you to
become a girlfriend. So you need to understand the history of masculinity and
this is what I was getting to which is in an American Indian tribe a boy at 14, 13,
14 that’s what happens then is your testosterone levels increase 5 to 10
times. So that’s when it’s time to really own what it means to be a man. And when
that testosterone increases they had an initiation and the initiation is they
would take the whole village what’s been a circle you go through your initiation,
they take sticks from the tree and they pierce your breast, they pierce this.
Yeah, painful and they tie a rope to this, tie it together and throw it over a limb
and they slowly raise you up and you cannot cry out and you can’t make a face.
And that’s what these boys do and that’s what makes them into men. They learn how
to endure pain. Nothing after that will ever cause them to be
upset because they’ve learned to endure pain. You
don’t have to cry out… Pardon. – Which is
the other way? – Well, that’s the extreme
way. I don’t recommend that stuff now. But what it is what I teach men now to
become a man is learn how to listen to a woman. Listen to a woman, talk, share her
feelings without getting emotional back. This is part of how the army does it. In
the army you train a young man who’s undisciplined, reactive, immature and
you’ve got to make him more mature to go carry a gun and behave in a responsible
way. And so what they do is they line him up and they torture you. They say
negative things about you. They humiliate you. I don’t want to say the things that
they say but they’ll embarrass you and you’ll have to stand there and not have
any expression on your face. And if you have an expression, 50 pushups. Don’t give
me attitude, 50 pushups. So you learn to stand there and have no emotional
reaction. And why do you have to have that is because when you’re in war and you just
see your friend who’s just been had his leg blown off you lose control and then
you want to run out and kill somebody, you get monkey brain takes over. So you have
to learn to control the monkey brain . You have to control your emotions
and this is particularly for men. What women have to do is need to learn to
share their emotions in a way where people can hear. Now, if you want to share with a
girlfriend you know women can hear each other as long as they’re not blaming each
other. Women are great at hearing your feelings as long as they’re not feeling
blamed and then they look at you like why can’t you hear my feelings because you’re
blaming you. She’s talking about you. So women will be great at hearing somebody
else’s problem because they’re not the problem. I’m great as a listener in
therapy. I tell women they say, “Why can’t my husband listen to me the way you do?”
And I say for three reasons; one is you pay me, two is I know it’s only 50 minutes
and the third which is most important you’re not blaming me. If all you do is
complain about your husband. Of course he can’t hear that. You can’t go to your
partner and complain to them but women can learn to do and I call it Venus talk and
this is how men can learn to strengthen their masculinity
and not react emotionally in a negative way to
women sharing their feelings. And that is the Venus talk is you just
take 10 minutes twice a week and you go to your boyfriend or your husband and you
say, “I’m going to talk about my feelings for 10 minutes. First I’ll talk about my
negative feelings then my positive feelings and I’ll thank you because I’ll
feel better. I don’t want you to say anything. I just want you to look in my
direction and make no comment. Don’t say anything or do anything about it. You
don’t have to feel bad, you don’t have to make empathetic noises just look my
direction and I’m going to share these feelings.” You can also read the book
which has little outline and you can ask certain questions but simply put what she
has to do is learn how to share her feelings. See women think they’re so great
at sharing feelings, nonsense they’re great at talking about their feelings but
not actually connecting with their emotions associated
with their feelings. So women could say, “Geez I feel
unsupported.” But what does that mean you had fall but if she says, “I feel
frustrated”, that is the emotion, get to the emotion. “So I feel frustrated”, and
then talk about things in your life that are frustrating that have nothing to do
with him. And some women will say, “Well, I can’t. All my problems are him.” I say,
“Well, no wonder he can’t hear you.” You can’t tell somebody they’re the problem of
your life. You’re the problem of your life and you’re using him as the emergency man,
the Mr. Fix it. He’s going to solve your problems and be a good listener for you.
So you share your emotions so frustration is the first one then disappointment is
under that, what am I feeling disappointed about? A couple of minutes on
frustration, a couple of minutes on disappointment, a couple of minutes on my
concerns, a couple of minutes on my feelings or what I’m embarrassed about in
my life. You know I could be embarrassed I’m overweight, I could be embarrassed
because I’m not making more money, I can feel embarrassed because I don’t have more
friends, I feel embarrassed that I didn’t make that meal the other whatever she is
feeling embarrassed about but it can’t be you. She can’t say, “I feel embarrassed
walking with you in public.” She can’t say that. She can’t say, “I’m concerned you
don’t love me.” What she can say is, “I feel concerned that I’m too stressed out.
I feel concerned that I’m so unhappy. I feel concerned that the weather is going
to be bad. I feel concerned that I don’t know what my
future is.” Nothing about you. – Just her. – That’s why women have to learn is
how to share your feelings without sounding like you’re blaming and women
have never learned to do this on planet Earth. That’s why women never talk to men
before because a man can’t hear you if you’re blaming him. So now we want to
connect this and that brings back the passion because if she can feel feminine
in your presence, oh my God you get totally turned on after you learn to do
it. And she gets turned on because the biggest oxytocin producer there is is when
a woman can share herself, her naked self, authentic self, no protections share
what’s inside of her and have someone to be loving towards her. Now it’s not
completely naked because she’s not sharing her negative feelings about you. But what
happens as she shares her frustrations and disappointments about other things and not
about you but about her life what happens is you hear that, oxytocin levels go
higher and higher, her stress levels go down and then she has
very few complaints about you. Then what she learns at step two is once
women have no complaints about their partner then they learn how to ask for
support. See, the way most women ask for support is they blame you. They say, “You
forgot to do this. How many times I have to ask you? You didn’t do this? I’m having
such a trouble with this.” And blaming you as a way of getting you to do things it
doesn’t work. It just doesn’t work. What works is asking a guy to do something with
no sense of urgency. When you get around to it what I love is this, “Would you do
that?” And he says, “Yeah, I’ll do that.” And then assume he’s going to forget in
the beginning because guys prioritize the way our brains are as we tend to think of
those things have the biggest emergency and if it’s a little thing why should I
bother. But see part of understanding women is when you do little things that
actually makes them feel more important. See it’s like men will tend to do big
things and that’s the big part of my message and that’s right there in “Men Are
From Mars, Women Are From Venus” which is little things make a big difference
because the guy once when he’s dating her, he’s doing little things because he’s not
going to do big things because I don’t know if I want to marry her. But once you
marry a woman you go, “Okay, now I want to do everything for her.
I’m going to do the big stuff. I’m going
to try to earn up money…” – A big vacation. – A big vacation. Earn money, do
this, do this. Men are always striving even though women are making more money
than some men today, he’s still wanting to be this provider. It’s inside of men
because inside of a man to make my testosterone I have to feel that I’m
making a difference in your life. And this is why so many masculine women are not
married. They can’t attract a man in their lives. It’s because the man is not
intimidated by that like all men are intimidated by my power, my success and my
money. No, they’re not intimidated. It’s not fear, it’s stupidity. Why do I want to
be with somebody that doesn’t need me? See, man want to feel like a hero, man
wants to feel like I make a difference. And you ask these women who are single and
you say, “Do you need a man?” They go, “Oh no, I don’t need a man.” It’d be nice to
have a man. It’d be good to have a man. I say, “I don’t want to be just nice to just
have me around, I want to feel like I’m important in your life. Just like she
wants to feel important, I want to feel important. And when you need someone, you
depend on them, you’re looking for help from them that’s what makes a man feel
like, “Yes, I’m drawn to her.” Once again is the feminine energy is the part of us,
there’s two parts within each of us. One is I need help and one is I don’t need
help. That one is independence and one is dependence. The feminine
energy is dependent, the masculine
energy is independent. Now, ultimately what we want is a balance
within ourselves of interdependent and that’s an adult relationship. But what
women are doing today is they’re trying to be men. Because you see they’re so
attracted to independent men, they mistakenly think that men will be
attracted to me if I’m independent. And men like to be your friend if you’re
independent because you’re low maintenance but we’re not going to be turned on to
that for long because what turns a man on is feeling like I make a
difference. And what turns a woman on is to feel that you
make a difference in my life. – That’s great.
And to add some few more…yes,
I’ll let you finish this… – Oh just one little point on the
Venus talk, never just end with the negative emotions. Then spend just as much
time on what I appreciate, what I’m grateful for. That’s when you can talk
about him. Let’s talk about what you appreciate in your life, what you’re
grateful for and if there’s some problem that you’ve been talking about, access
your intuition with a positive “I understand that” or “I know everything’s
going to be okay. I know that I’m not alone. I know that I’m supported. I so
much appreciate that you’re listening to me. I’m already feeling better”. You have
to get that positive energy otherwise he thinks, “Why are we wasting time talking
about negativity? What’s the point to it?” The point is sharing what’s ever inside of
you if you’re a woman dramatically increases this hormone oxytocin that
lowers her stress and oxytocin is also the hormone that allows women to respond
sexually. It is the hormone that’s necessary for women to have climax, for
women to long for sex, for women to long to be penetrated
by a man, oxytocin. – Yeah, I’m reading a lot of book
about foods and I saw a lot of different point of view, angles and
so I’m a little lost with nutrition, what is advice about
how do we have to eat? – Well, the first thing is that my
expertise is relationships and about 12 years ago when I turned 50 I had
Parkinson’s and so I began researching to cure myself of Parkinson’s and in doing
that which I did using natural supplements I discovered that there’s a whole spectrum
of brain disorders. There’s ADD, ADHD there’s autism, there’s
Asperger’s Syndrome, there’s bipolar. All of these things all originate from
impaired dopamine function in the brain. And I found natural remedies for this. One
of the most important natural remedies for this is a form of lithium. It’s called low
dose lithium not what doctors prescribe, doctors prescribe a form of lithium in
doses that’s toxic. What I recommend and other holistic doctors recommend as well
for any type of thing in the brain is that we understand that lithium is the mineral
that regenerate your brain cells and protect your brain cells from toxicity,
from neurotoxins , allows your brain to continue growing
and also is the cofactor for making dopamine
and serotonin in your brain. So it’s amazing the benefits that I’ve
seen by giving people a form of lithium that will cross the blood brain barrier in
small doses so it’s non-toxic, no side effects and even when I say that some
people go, “Oh but you know just saying non-toxic in high doses, if it’s toxic in
high doses it must be bad.” Everything in high doses is toxic. Salt is just the salt
a form of salt that if you took high doses of salt, you get sick and you don’t get
even that sick with lithium. So lithium is a super mineral, nobody talks about it
because they associate with schizophrenia and bipolar because it takes away those
conditions but it has side effects if you prescribe it in toxic doses. Low dose
lithium does the same thing for anybody, it makes your brain work better. So
lithium orotate, magnesium orotate, calcium orotate, potassium orotate, zinc
orotate, zinc orotate is so important for everything. I mean every brain function
requires zinc and because our diet today has so much soy, corn, estrogen, the
animals are fed grains rather than grass fed. This what it does, it creates
something called xenoestrogens in the body, false estrogens and
some of them are actually estrogens and they will cause the
body to not absorb zinc. So what happens for men for example
prostate cancer or expanding prostate gland causes men over 50 to have to get up
many times in the night all that. It causes low testosterone because your body
can’t absorb zinc if you’ve been taking or being affected by all these
corn and soy products on the market or just simply the
hormones they put in animals. So what happens in a relationship is not
only do men lose their focus so their wives start talking, “We get distant”, we
lose our passion particularly because we lose our testosterone
levels and you know… – Someone can get back to
testosterone levels… – Oh yeah, I’m in my 60s and my
testosterone levels are higher than any time in my marriage. They’re higher
than when I was a young man. – How do you
measure your testosterones? – Via erections and readiness to
have sex with somebody you love. So one symptom of low testosterone is I mean
first of all if you have healthy testosterone in the realm of healthy you
will always wake up with an erection that faces up. You know most 50 year old men
it’s kind of like straight or pointing down and that’s as much as a red that’s a
low testosterone. So the whole factor is literally is to flag go all the
way up, that’s healthy testosterone. – We can
measure the angle? – Yes, measure the angle and you
know your testosterone levels. And even still another thing that can be a sign
even in spite of that can you be fully up in the presence of someone you love deeply
like your wife because it’s very easy for a man with low testosterone to go up with
a stranger and that’s why pornography is so huge, is one of the only ways some men
can experience a rise in their testosterone. When you’re aroused, your
testosterone levels go very very high so you rise up but you have
to have plenty of testosterone to continue to rise up in the
presence of someone you love. Because it’s like in every sexology class
one of the most common stories is called the President Hoover. It might have been
another name, I forget the president’s name but President Hoover is visiting a
ranch with his wife and they’re in separate two different tours and the wife
Mrs. Hoover is witnessing these cows, the bull creating babies in the cow having sex
with the cow. They take one cow in, the bull sires the cow, take the cow out. They
bring in another cow he does it again, he does it again and she says to the rancher
she says, “Can that bull do that all day long? He said, “Yes, all day long that
bull can do that.” And she says, “Tell that to Mr. President Hoover”, and then so
President Hoover comes by and he says, “You know your wife wanted me to mention
to you that that bull siring that cow can do that all day long.” And he says, “But
can he do that all day long with one cow?” And he said, “No it
has to be a different cow every time.” “Tell
that to Mrs. Hoover.” So a man if you’re with someone that you
don’t love or know or stranger, you can get it up, you can have sex and then do it
again and again and again. I have some friends in big rock bands that I’ve
counseled in the past and they can get it up over 15 women in a night. Okay, they
have groupies and they’ll come in one after another 15 minute appointment. Boom,
boom. But they can’t get it up with their wives and that’s why they’re talking to me
because see low testosterone easily rises up in the presence of non-relational sex
meaning I don’t know you. But if it’s someone I do know it’s different hormones
that get produced oxytocin gets produced, oxytocin is the love hormone, so if you
love the person you’re with to Keep it up you have to have healthy testosterone
levels and that is the secret of health, longevity, good health. Married men who
have sex three times a week are the healthiest men on the planet and this is
proven big studies they live 10 years longer on average.
They don’t get the cancer, the heart disease it’s
all about getting it up. There was one hospital back in the 90s
where they were curing heart disease and men by teaching them how to have sex with
their wives, just learning good sexual techniques. But it’s not just that. Good
sexual technique is one thing but we have to make sure we get zinc absorption to
make the testosterone. We have to sort of back off from the estrogens, there’s
Chinese herbs, three Chinese herbs, that will kick the estrogen out of your body.
There’s herbs from Bangkok, Thailand which has more sex in that city than anywhere
else in the world but they grow in that region. It’s a root kind of like a potato
it’s called tongkat ali, tongkat ali will bump your testosterone
levels 400% like in a week. – So where we can find the
roots of this a nutritious…? – Well, different nutritions and
herbs and so forth? – And I would never depend on these
things except to kick start the body, get it back into shape, start getting the zinc
in the body is something you need to zinc orotate would help dramatically in the
long run because that’s something it’s a food, the herbs you use just to kick your
body back into shape. The myomin which is probably one of most popular herbs on the
internet myomin M-Y-O-M-I-N. Myomin is proven to kick those estrogens down and
men who have belly fat for example that’s also you know if you have low
testosterone, belly fat. If you’re a man and you can’t look straight down and see
your business, you’ve got low testosterone. And estrogen stores fat in
your belly and if you have high estrogen your testosterone levels keep going lower
and lower and lower. So what you want is to kick the estrogen out you need some
herbs that’ll bump up your testosterone and you need a good zinc supplement so
that your body can make the testosterone. In three six months later you don’t need
all these herbs you just need good zinc supplement every day because we are being
exposed in the environment to estrogens all the time, it’s hard to avoid them so
we need to help the body to absorb zinc better because
estrogens inhibit zinc absorption. Zinc orotate is one of the best zincs in
order to absorb the zinc. So that’s kind of a picture for men, it also works for
women. The same thing happens with women’s libido and so forth but there’s other
herbs for women when it comes to their sexual desire is that it all has to do
particularly those getting older but even a younger woman they have hormonal
imbalance. And when the estrogens come in from the environment they interfere with
healthy estrogen which makes you want to be penetrated and interferes with healthy
progesterone and it keeps your mind calm. So women are too stressed and they’re
overwhelmed and often they can’t enjoy sex fully and so there’s a
product from Korea that I recommend which
is three Chinese herbs… – And can we find more
information for on your website? – Yes, what I do at my website is
about 10 minutes on all these different products I’m talking about. So
people can go to… – We can
purchase there? – They can even purchase them there
or they can go other places and purchase and they’re all online. The one product
that isn’t available online and all together is the super minerals for men or
super minerals for women but since nobody had it I put it together
in a product which is a… – It’s a package and… – It’s a package so people can just
get all those minerals and literally if you’ve got ADD, ADHD that’s what I’ve done
every day for the last 12 years to keep my Parkinson’s at a very big distance. If I
don’t do it for about a week, if I go off for a week then I’ll start getting some my
Parkinson’s back for whatever reason but I’m completely healthy because of it and
it’s not just those are the supplements but then we also you talked about diet and
the problem with food today is basically every good diet I just come back to the
simplicity of a good diet basically is healthy fats, healthy meats and healthy
carbohydrates, just healthy. And everybody’s got a little different balance
of everything but the bottom line is junk food, processed sugars interfere with
brain function libido hormonal balance or processed foods and now people saw out of
balance they can’t digest wheat so many people have glut intolerance is very
common so you have to take that out of your diet until you
find your health again. So basically your good diet is proteins,
fats, carbohydrates three times a day in moderate amounts. And that’s it, there’s
no big special dynamic thing to it. Stay away from the junk foods, the junk foods
cause…we go to them because we’re under stress. When you’re stressed, your
hormones are out of balance so you’re not making enough brain chemicals. Your
cortisol levels go up then your body can’t digest fat and so what happens is if
you’re…there’s three body types. There’s the muscular body type, they tend to gain
weight in their 40s and beyond. There’s the round body types right at puberty
they’re gaining huge amounts of weight in for childhood. If they have too much
estrogen and they have hormonal imbalance they get fat. If they’re mesomorphs,
they’re more muscular skinny waist big shoulders, they get the fat around 40
years old and they often get heart attacks by the time they’re
50 due to all this high estrogen low
testosterone in their bodies. Then there’s the ectomorph body type which
doesn’t have a lot of muscle, doesn’t have a lot of fat cells and so they can eat a
bad diet and they don’t gain weight but they get skinnier and skinnier as they get
older but they’re not processing their fat. Because if you’re stressed
your body can’t burn fat for… – What types
I am according to you? – Oh you are ectomeso so you’re
thin but you also have muscle mass. You’re secondary so you have good muscles but
you’re primarily ecto so you won’t have weight problems if you eat a
poor diet till you’re in your 40s. – My father
has a beautiful belly. – Yeah the belly is estrogen.
It’s not as if see these guys in gyms and they’re mesomorphs, they work out. They
love to work out and build their muscles up because they get such a big response
and they need to, their body has more muscle cells to feel good they have to
workout and use their bodies. And as they’re using their bodies over 40 you see
them they get fatter and fatter and they work out and working out doesn’t do
anything because it’s not about using your muscles, it’s about hormonal balance in
your body. You’ve got to kick those estrogens out of your body. So the
weightlifters diet is often steak, low fat steak because you’re getting protein there
and you’re also you get zinc. It’s a big thing, see weightlifters you need lots of
testosterone and zinc so you get your meats which are high in zinc, low fat then
they eat broccoli and they eat brown rice. Brown rice is as a
good carbohydrate because it doesn’t turn right
into sugar right away. It also has high and the mineral called
silica. Silica is what allows your body to absorb calcium and build bones and your
strength is according to the strength of your bones. If you have weak bones your
body you have weak muscles. It’s all about strong bones because see right now I can
turn a jar and if I use my willpower I could break all my fingers off. But your
brain stops you, we have much more strength than we know because the brain is
constantly stopping our strength because we might break a bone. And so
if you have strong bones you can then develop great strength
along with good breathing. – It’s amazing. I love that. – So back to diet you know main
thing is get rid of the bad stuff. Eat moderately and this idea of eating every
two hours is not a healthy thing every three hours. If somebody is obese it can
make them healthier than dying of obesity but it doesn’t lengthen your life. What
lengthens your life and makes you strong and clear and not to have sugar cravings
is when you get to a certain level of health then your body doesn’t need to eat
for five to six hours. When you eat the right nutrition your body doesn’t need to
eat for five to six hours. After four hours after you’ve eaten a meal, four
hours later the first two hours your body breaks down carbohydrate. The next two
hours your body breaks down fat then there’s no food. That’s the point where
your brain releases after four hours after a meal your brain releases growth hormone
and that’s what regenerate your cells. That’s why I’m in my 60s and I look so
young and I’m so vibrant and I have a sex life and all those things because I make
sure that I’m creating enough space between my meals in order to release the
growth hormone. Lots of people are taking growth hormone which ultimately could have
all kinds of problems but short term. If I didn’t know what I know when I was 70 or
80 years I’d be injecting growth hormone too because you lose…you build muscle
mass, you lose weight, you get your vitality back, everything works better
with growth hormone. It regenerates your body. But if you eat every three hours
then you’re producing insulin to digest that food you don’t release growth hormone
at all. So as people are aging today everybody’s growth hormone levels are
going down whereas mine stay the same, testosterone stays the same. You stay a
young man, you do wear out I mean your body does age and so forth but you have
all the vitality of a young man and you’ll see this in many indigenous cultures where
the food is still nutritionally dense. Now, why is it that I can eat a meal and
go for four or five hours six hours without feeling hungry at all? Is because
the food I eat has got all the nutrients in it. And your regular food doesn’t have
the nutrients. That’s why I supplement my diet which supplements extra nutrients so
that when I have a meal I’m getting all the vitamins, all the minerals and good
quality fats, good quality proteins. So I start my day with a super food shake you
know everybody needs a super food shake in my opinion. You don’t eat too many
calories in the morning because your body is not making a lot of enzymes so it just
gets easy to digest protein, easy to digest fats, carbohydrates that are slow
to rise and suddenly you’ve got this amazing little 200 calorie drink
that will last you for six hours. There’s nothing better
for your health than you feel… – Then I will try everything we’re
talking about so how long I have to wait according to you to have
maybe the more the first result? – Oh a week… – A week? – If not three days… – A week? Wow so I will try
everything and I will do a review one
month after for example? – Excellent. Do this super food
shake and you can follow the formula what I suggest is I’ve already mixed it up,
it’s a product super food shake and super minerals. Just those two things will make
a world of difference, greater clarity, greater energy and you start to feel that
you go five six hours without eating. Now, what you want to do is
add to your shake two things… – Can we order
that in France? – Yeah, you can
order that in France. – Wow. – Okay and you can also look at the
ingredients and find the ingredients and put it together but it’s better what I
have is raw way protein, raw casein protein, organically grown goji berries
for your vitamin C, all of your vitamins in there, coconut oil as your fat. Now,
coconut oil is an amazing fat but if you put it in a cold shake in the morning it
will clump up so you can order on the internet in MCT oil. That’s the most
important thing in this is you need a good fat, everything about being strong and
having lots of energy is healthy fats, butters, avocado and coconut oil, olive
oil. These are all great things that we have lots of in our life not too much but
good amounts of that. That should be something we want to be able to burn that
fat and one of the greatest omega-3 is that we all need
omega-3 for the brain. The easiest and the best for your morning
shake is you go to the store and you buy chia seeds. You’ve heard that word chia
C-H-I-A they come from South America. They are very cheap. You buy a bag of chia
seeds, you take a third of a cup and then you add two cups of water to it. That’s
it. Let it in a container, stir it, wait one minute, stir it, put it in the
refrigerator and 10 minutes later it turns to a Jell-O and you take like two or three
tablespoons of this and you put it in your shake. What that does is it feeds your
brain like a whole salmon meal. Like all the omega-3 you get from a salmon meal
which is the brain is made out of omega-3 so important for intelligence and
focus. So you have omega-3 but it’s also in this gel form so that the shake,
the one that I make, has two teaspoons of sugar in it and I believe you need a
little sugar to stimulate everything to stimulate insulin that bring it into the
brain and so forth. So two teaspoons of sugar but the gel causes
those two teaspoons of sugar to be released over
the next five hours. So you get slow release sugar because your
brain always needs a little stimulation to absorb the nutrients. The MCT oil that’s
from the coconut, the extract of coconut that gives you instant energy. Now, you
start with a teaspoon of that and gradually build up to a tablespoon. What
MCT oils do is if you eat too much in the beginning you get a stomachache because
MCT oils are made out of caprylic acid and it will kill fungus in your gut. So for
some people of any kind of stress they have fungus in their gut. MCT caprylic
acid will kill that fungus and when it is dying it gives you kind of stomachache so
it’ll go a little until you have no stomachache then increase and increase the
tablespoon in your super food shake. And then have another tablespoon during the
day and at night have another tablespoon. – Like we can find everything
on your website, right? – Yes. – So I will try that for one or
two months and I will do a blog post… – A blog post? – Yeah. – That’d be great and in terms of
focus so many men have ADD, ADHD, the super minerals plus good super food shake
and vitamin C and grape seed extract. There’s double blind studies just on
vitamin C and grape seed extract showing it’s as good as Ritalin or Adderall, just
that and there’s no side effects. Ritalin and Adderall have all these side effects.
Why not do the natural way? It’s such a simple thing but people don’t know because
these products are all you can’t patent them, you can’t charge high prices for
them because there’s so much competition. – Yeah I think so. I have a last
question for you which is a weird question maybe the first time you have this
question, according to you how we can become a couple killer, a
loser in relationship what are the keys to become a
loser in a relationship. – Oh my Gosh,
how you can ruin a relationship? – Yeah, I would love to know that.
I will do some trainings about that. – Okay. The way a man becomes a
loser in a relationship is he becomes overly feminized. One of the symptoms of
being overly feminized is talking about emotions and getting emotionally upset.
Now, it’s okay to talk about positive emotions with the woman you’re in love
with, “You’re so beautiful. I love you so much. I missed you. You’re my sweetheart.
Oh I was so disappointed because I didn’t get to see you. Oh my gosh! I care so much
for you.” These are all feelings, emotions but they’re positive. When women say they
want feelings from men, they want positive feelings from men. That’s what you want to
do. Negative emotions is unmanly. That’s how you
destroy a relationship. – Great… – By whining, by just think any
time you complain you’re being a girl. And what happens is a little bit here and
there to your buddies. Go talk to your guys about this. That what guys do we
can complain to each other. But if you complain to a woman you become a feminized
she goes, “Oh poor baby. Oh and then she gets mad at you for complaining about
her.” So what a woman needs to feel more than anything is I can go up and down in
my moods and you’ll stand there and you don’t get affected by it. And you don’t
get upset, you see so many men get upset like, “Why are you upset? Why are you
bothered about this?” Because she might complain, “Oh you’re wearing that outfit.”
“Yeah, I know you don’t like this outfit.” And that’s it. And then she’ll say, “Well,
will you change?” “Well, since this is your special night out I’ll give you
permission to suggest what I should wear but only because it’s a special occasion.”
So here is how you run a relationship. Let’s say you get dressed up and you’re
putting on a tie and you’re getting ready to go and she says, “Oh that tie doesn’t
match.” And you’re, “Okay, pick out another one.” You know you’re a guy you
want to please a woman, that’s what we’re designed to do to make her happy. If it
makes her happy I don’t care what kind of tie I wear so I put on another tie she
likes it. And so the next time I’m getting dressed and put on a tie she says, “Oh
that tie is wrong you should put on this other type.” So you go and you do it and
once you’ve done that three times something happens inside of you. You
change, your brain changes. When you’re getting ready now you’re going to pick
this tie and you’re going to doubt yourself and you go, “It should be this
tie or this tie.” And you’ll go to her and you’ll say, “Should I wear this or this
tie?” And now you become a girl, the way women do. I can’t make up my mind. What
should I wear, should I wear this or this or this? And that’s a good thing for women
to be, that’s how women are. They’re always their brains
are much more busy. You don’t want to become
that, you want to be a man. – That’s a good way to become a loser
in a relationship as I managed to do that. – Is to ask for her opinion about
everything and for advice… – And for women? – Okay. So the way women become
losers in a relationship, many ways. I’ll just summarize
complain, correct, control, criticize. – Good training. – That’s if women can just stop
complaining, correcting, controlling, criticizing. Why do you do that women? It
only pushes him away. They want you to change. Stop trying to change him instead
start changing the way you communicate your needs to him. And what women say,
“Well, if I can’t criticize and I can’t complain and I can’t correct him.” If she
says, “How do I get him to change?” And I say that you’d learn to love, love him
just as he is. And she says, “Yeah, but can I get more attention. Can I go out
more? Can we get him to pick up his socks? I don’t want oh you know…” And I say,
“Yes you can.” That’s called asking him to do things but if you ask him that first
you have to learn how to ask and you have to first be happy before asking works. You
can’t ask him to do something so that you can become happy. You have to be happy and
then ask him to do things to help you to make you happier. So it’s an art to how to
motivate men to do more for you. And there’s an art men to make women happy and
turned on the way you do it, then you become a loser in a relationship by
waiting till Friday night and saying, “Hey honey, what do you want to do tonight?”
And be all loose and relaxed about it. No, you do a week in advance you plan you say
what would you like? What would you like? And then don’t argue with her. And if
three things she likes and you don’t want to do any of it, suck it up. Be a man it’s
only two hours, go do it for her and don’t whine and complain. This is another way
men just they’re awful about this. They go out on a date with her that she wanted
like let’s say you go to the ballet. He’s like, “Uh how long is this going to go on?
He’s looking at his watch like this it’s like and the next time she goes, “What do
I do that will make him happy.” Women should not be thinking about what will
make you happy. You should be thinking about being true to yourself
and how to make her happy. And a romantic date is about her, it’s not
about you. And when you’re on that date don’t complain and she has to learn not to
complain. Complaining kills relationships. It makes us all losers. Another secret,
yeah and the way men kill a relationship is they argue with women and they get
upset at women. Why get upset at her? It doesn’t help, it just makes it worse.
Understand women are like a wave, it goes up and everything is perfect. No matter
how perfect it is that wave is going to crash. The happiest
woman in the world she’s going to be
unhappy, don’t take it personally. A little story to help men that changed my
life. It was this the guy by the name Robert Bly a long time ago was teaching
men’s groups, teaching men how to be men and he didn’t have really good
relationship skills but that was a good one. And he said it’s a long story I’m
going to make shorter but there was a dragon in the woods and everybody went
into the woods never came out alive. And the king said, “I need a hero to go and
save the kingdom from this dragon.” So the all this brothers came. The older brother
went and he looked for the dragon all day long. He couldn’t find his dragon as he’s
about to turn around and come back home he smells this bread cooking. And he was
hungry and tired in the little sweet little cabin and lights are on and the
bread is sitting there so he goes in it smells so good he takes some of the bread
he eats it and say, “This tastes so good”, and then a beautiful maiden appears and
she says, “You like my bread?” He says, “Yes, I like it very much.” And she says,
“Oh very good.” May I have some of my bread he says, “Of course”, and he hands
her the bread and she accidentally drops it and she says, “Would you pick it up?”
He says, “Certainly.” He picks up the bread and when
he comes up she’s turned into a wicked witch with
a club and beats him to death. That’s what happens in relationships.
Women just beat men to death. They turn into witches and beat them to death. So
the next brother comes in same thing happens then the youngest comes in pure
heart, love opened. He comes in the same thing happens he’s taking her bread, he’s
enjoying the bread, she appears and she says, “Oh you like my bread”, he said,
“Yes, it’s very good.” And she says, “May I have some of the bread?” he’s, “Of
course”, and he hands her the bread. She drops the bread. She says, “Would you pick
it up?” He says, “Bread is symbolic of life and death. We are all responsible for
our lives. We can’t depend on another for that so you’ll have to pick up the bread.”
And she picks up the bread and she doesn’t turn into a witch and
they lived happily ever after. This is what men have to learn, we don’t
pick up the bread for women. And in our relationships today what that means is
we’re not responsible to make her happy because if we think we’re responsible to
make her happy then every time she’s unhappy we feel blamed. We feel like we
failed, it’s inevitable. My wife’s one of the happiest women in the world. She has
everything and every other day she’s upset about something. I go, “Oh may I help you
that?” You know it’s just a simple easy response or just don’t say anything and
then if they say, “What are you thinking?” This is what you say, “I’m thinking you do
so many wonderful things for so many people. Let me
give you a hug.” See that’s the opposite. No man would ever
think to say that he’d be saying, “Don’t do so much for everybody. Don’t worry
about this stuff. Who cares if we’re late”, and it’s like don’t say those
things. We ruin it by trying because when we say those things it makes her feel bad
for having those feelings instead are like it’s part of life. And then a woman starts
to feel safe that, “Oh my gosh! I don’t have to be this perfect smiling woman all
the time.” Then she can be authentic, passionate, alive. And you can be like an
oak tree which is capable of being present for her and by connecting with her and
loving her increases the passion in you but not
becoming like a girl. – Yeah. It’s great. ♪ [music] ♪

38 Replies to “How to Improve communication with your partner and Live a healthy life – John Gray”

  • De quoi remettre l'Γ©glise au milieu du village comme on dit… Merci pour cette interview David, il est plein de bon sens ce monsieur ! Merci pour la piqΓ»re de rappel πŸ™‚

  • This man is really saying something important. I wonder who teaches this kind of knowledge Cuz I can help myself and so many other people. Thank you David

  • 34.10 "… these (indigenous men) teach their boys to ensure pain, to become men. I teach men how to listen to women…" I know it's taken out of context, but you gotta laugh..

  • Hi.It is a very nice message of information regarding aspects of communication to develop a positive outlook in life and to have a happy healthy successful relationship in the long run by implementing those important changes that need a lot of good effort, mental clarity and mutual understanding, cooperation to all aspects of relationship on how to handle it better to make it work that will bring good and better results in the future.Many thanks for this manifestation.Good on you.God bless to everybody.Very well stated.All well and good.! 27/09/17

  • I learned a lot from this video! Yes, right. If you are happy you don't know what you need. πŸ™‚ and just do relax to build up testosterone and later he will craveyou. Good shift.

  • I am sure you can still buy handbooks with all info you need on Woo&Pep diet website . Just google Woo&Pep diet.

  • Wow that was wonderful So true Learned so much I absolutely love this Love to hear more of John Gray talks πŸ’•

  • Absolutely brilliant!! I’ll be watching this religiously. My children will be studying this. Thank for allowing him to make his points! Great interview

  • Thank you for helping me understand the differences.
    Of course men & women are different. For anyone to say differently is denial.

  • All women wants from men is to feel safe at all times, it’s not being weak but feeling secured and loved by a man. ☺️😊

    THINKING LOOK FORWARD TO TO DOING Gamesome things. Foreplay is Not SEX. IT CONNECTING BONDING IN CONVERSATION: getting to KNOW her LIKES & dislikes of social conversations. Team. Team. Team SUPPORTIVE FEELINGS shown with FLATTERY OR FLIRTING with her FRIENDπŸ‘€πŸ‘πŸ‘€πŸπŸ’›πŸŒπŸ”­πŸ¦πŸ‘πŸ”­πŸ”¬πŸ”¬πŸŽ»πŸŽΊπŸŽΌπŸŽΉπŸŽΆπŸŽ΅πŸŽΎπŸš‘πŸš€βœˆπŸšπŸš™ πŸ”­πŸ”¬πŸ’‘πŸ”ŽπŸ”‘πŸ’°πŸ†πŸ†πŸπŸŽΎπŸŽΎπŸ˜ŽπŸ‘€πŸ‘€πŸ‘‚πŸ‘πŸ‘½πŸ’«βœŒπŸ‘„πŸ‘‚πŸ‘€πŸ‘€πŸ‘€


  • She absolutely NO NO NO SEX. She does NOT WANT TO. HONOR HER WISHES!


  • Women ARE CAPABLE of imagining being in LOVE! We don t NEED MEN to solve every thing. Just listen be FUN!!!πŸ˜„ A work ready. Lift heavy furniture. HA!!!πŸ˜ƒ

  • 1:00 πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ the boy expression πŸ˜‚ when he say i was amonk from amonk to learn people relationshipsπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  • The prevalence of low T in todays world has very much root in Melanopsin dysfunction. When you sit at yyour computer at night vitamin A dissociates from our blue light receptors and T3+vit A is required for steroid hormone synthesis.

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