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Endometriosis Feels Like Being Punched Up The Vagina With Sharp Knives | Body Language

Endometriosis feels to me
like someone’s hand is literally clenched up in a fist with all the knives
on all of the digits and then it goes right up
inside you, just near your lungs, and then it, kind of, punches you two, three, four, hundreds of times. The pain makes you feel like
you’re living outside of your body – like you’re almost the shadow and your body’s just, kind of,
walking alongside, which feels really weird. When I’m suffering from
a really bad flare-up, my mind feels foggy. It feels like there’s butterflies
going round in your mind, just throbbing and throbbing. You’re just a thing.
You’re no longer a person. Actually, your pain has just taken
over every single ounce of you. At least one in 10 women
have endometriosis and we wait on average seven
and a half years for a diagnosis. The first time I heard the word, I’d already been sick with
the illness for 10 years. I had to Google it – endometriosis.
I definitely couldn’t say it. It almost sounds made up,
like a mythical character. Normal. That is a very dangerous
word. I was told my pain was “normal”
for nearly a decade. “Oh, it’s just normal. You’re going
to have pain during periods “and you’re going to have big clots
come out of your vag.” And that just made me feel
like I was just… I was just being stupid, really. Maybe I didn’t have anything
wrong with me. So, I was driving to work. I suddenly felt a crippling pain go
literally from my head to my toe. I became paralysed in my legs and I
felt like I couldn’t hit the brakes. I then called an ambulance
and I called my work. I was, like, “Hi, I’m really sorry
but I won’t be in. “I’ve lost feeling in my legs,
so… Yep.” And they basically said,
“Are you absolutely mad? “Why are you calling us? You’re
in an ambulance, for God’s sake.” I think that so many women out there
are this simmering pot that’s just bubbling, and then
something extra gets dropped in and then everything just explodes. Everything goes onto the walls,
on the floor, everything. After every episode of pain,
you reset your memory. You know, your body and your mind
doesn’t want you to remember because it’s constant trauma
all the time. If your mind truly remembered
every episode and how it felt, you wouldn’t probably be able to
live through it. If I could wake up tomorrow
without endometriosis… It’s really… It’s really so, so
hard to imagine. I think everything
would be level again and that I wouldn’t have to
be in a constant imbalance with every aspect of my body. It’s almost like in those films
when you have a ghost and the ghost comes back
into your body and then they awake again. It would be like a reawakening. I’d be back to me, which is really
hard to describe because I just can’t remember
what that is.

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