Radio Inspire

How To Learn Sign Language

Does ALCOHOL help to speak DUTCH?


Oh lord, what is this!? Recently, British and Dutch researchers published a study on the effects of alcohol when speaking a second language. In the study people who learned Dutch were tested by conducting small conversations both sober, and after a bit of alcohol. Now at the end… I will tell you the results of that study but first, let’s see if we can find out if alcohol helps to speak Dutch. So we’re going to do some role plays, we’ll start sober… but we’re gradually going to add some alcohol. The first situation: it’s an uncomfortable situation; you have the idea that your friend needs to brush his teeth. That…!? Make it clear! No!? But you should try to speak only in Dutch. Kun I … Kun ik … Kan ik …
(can I…) Me… eh… maar… Eh… Ik… eh… hap toe eh… eh… Oof… I don’t remember most of the words… Ik… ik… Ik moet je iets vertellen.
(I need to tell you something) Eh… Ow… Hoi! Hoi. Well, I’m being ‘Nederlander’. No… ik… He’s ‘Nederlander’? Okay. Uhm… Heb jij jouw tanden…
(Do you have your teeth…) eh… gebrossen… gepoetst
(brushed) geboetst Okay. Let’s have some ‘jenever’ now… … to see if that helps. That doesn’t look shady at all. Oh wow. Straight up. Yes. Brimming full. Sweet. That is what the Dutch people do? vodka? not vodka, Dutch gin. worse Like an old man pissing. No, it’s okay. Wow, I bet it’s even got a nice little… Yeah, I’ve got years of waitressing really coming in handy. I thought Dutch style will be less than half. No, no, no. Don’t touch it. Okay… Cheers! That’s what this is about!? All of it? How? You need to drink it all? Oh… shit! Okay, professional. Oy… Sorry! Now let’s play the same situation again. Ik wil met jou…
(I want with you….) daar gaan…
(to go there…) maar jij moet eerst…
(but you need first…) jouw poetsen tanden…
(to brush your teeth…) Your… Het spijt me voor je…
(I’m sorry for your…) eh… vieze mond.
(dirty mouth) It’s a shit. It’s like… eh… it’s a… eh… verschrikkelijk!
(terrible) You know? Verschrikkelijk! Eh… Jij moet… eh…
(you need) nu…
(now) eh… naar de huisarts gaan.
(to go to the family doctor) Iemand… is dood…
(somebody died) dood is… Maar ik… ik…
(But I… I…) ik kan tanden poetsen,
(can brush my teeth) dan we kunnen een feestje
(can we then make a party) samen maken?
(together) Feestje met…
(party with) deze dode man.
(this dead man) Niet…
(no) Klein feestje?
(small party) Jij stinkt ook een beetje.
(you stink too a little) O… Echt?
(really?) Ik… ik… ik… No… no! Doesn’t! Okay, let’s drink some more. Why are we still coming here? I don’t know. Phew… Proost!
(cheers) Proost! Proost! Next situation: try to flirt! Mevrouw, ik weet een…
(Madam, I know) hele mooie persoon.
(a very beautiful person) Eh… ken je deze persoon?
(do you know this person?) Oooo…. Wat romantisch!
(how romantic!) Goed zo!
(well done) Mijn moeder zegt…
(my mother says) ik kan niet praten
(that I should not talk) met mensen of vrouwen
(with people or women) dat ik ken niet…
(who I don’t know) Wat is jouw naam?
(what is your name?) Ken je begrijpen?
(can you understand) Nee. Jij ken niet begrijpen? Nee… Nee? Zij is heel moeilijk!
(she’s very difficult) Wioletta… Ja? Ik moet praten met jou.
(I need to talk to you) Als… Ik vind jou…
(I think you’re) de bl… de beste bloem…
(the best flower) Do you play with his heart? I got lost in the game! Let’s take another one. I hope that you… yes, please… one more! I think it’s finished. Na zdorovye! That’s Calgon. Proost! Proost! To my funeral. No… to mine! Yo… smart. Proost! Proost. … albo ‘na zdrowie’.
(‘cheers’ in Polish) Pazdravia. And… in Italian? Salut. Last situation: [swearing in Portuguese] Now you need to confess that you cheated with your friend’s partner. Ik moet…
(I need) eh… iets zeggen.
(to tell something) Gisteren…
(yesterday) ik heb jouw vrouw ontmoet.
(I met your wife) O, ja? Ja! Jouw vriendin is heel… eh…
(your girlfriend is very) heel mooi, hè?
(very beautiful) Hij dacht dat ik…
(he thought that I) jou was…
(was you) omdat we bijna hetzelfde…
(because we’re almost the same) … hetzelfde kleding
(same clothes) ja, zelfde kleding En eh… iets eh…
(something…) gebeurt.
(happened) Gisterenavond…
(yesterday evening) ik kus jouw vriend.
(I kiss your friend) … is lekker
(yummy) voor je…
(for you) Kus?
(kiss) Een koesje. Gisteren, ik heb je vriend gekist.
(I kissed your boyfriend yesterday) Welke vriend?
(which boyfriend?) Ik… ik… ik was in jouw bed…
(I was in your bed) met…
(with) mijn bed?
(my bed) jouw bed
(your bed) met jouw vriendin.
(with your girlfriend) Wat!?
(What?) Om te Netflix te kijken…
(to watch Netflix) Ja… Netflix te kijken!? En dan doe je dan dat…
(and then you do this) You know ficky-ficky? Ficky-ficky? What means ficky-ficky? Oh, shit… Ik… Tsjoeke-tsjoeke-tsjoeke… You know ‘prlrlurullub’? Nice! Goed! Goed! En misschien kunnen wij vaker…
(and maybe we could more often) eh… dingen doen…
(do things) de drie…
(the three) samen…
(of us) de drie van ons? Ja, maar ook… Ik vind eh…
(I like) ja… iemand anders leuk.
(someone else) O, dat kan.
(that’s possible) Ja. Jou!
(you) O… Jij weet…
(you know) Jij moet hier komen!
(you must come here) Daarom ik…
(that’s why I…) Niet meer drinken!
(stop drinking) So, the study I talked about indeed proved that people speak a second language better after a bit of alcohol. Do you agree with that now? Misschien… Of course! I think… it makes people think they can speak far better than they actually can. Do you think a grammar book should come with a bottle? Oh, yeah… if it’s complementary… it would be a great success. If you had the book and the bottle… I’ve a feeling the bottle might win. You’d open the bottle more than you’d open the book. Without the drink… I didn’t know how propose to you to go out after this interview… but with the drink: yes.

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